Re: You have received an infraction at Age of Conan Europe Forums

Good day, this is the Informer.

Amorey has launched an allout attack on the general aoc-forums against peeing animations. Amorey thinks, that it is most horrid and unnatural thing to have a peeing emote, a total abomination and degenerated foullnes of Satan Himself. Peeing infront, or *shock* actually on someone is an unnatural thought for him.
Amorey, welcome to Europe. We pee constantly everywhere; when going to pub, when coming back, when going to lunch and even while fishing.

For Amorey, chopping heads of with blood and spatter, seeing titties and softcore-porn allaround is a-ok-ay! But the peepee.. it makes him cry, and report petitions to get it removed from game.

Amorey, you are possibly the sickest person I know. Really, truly.. a piece of art. Astonishing stupidity, hypocrisy and dumbass-attitude mixed perfectly together.

In any case, Amorey is now awarded the "Informer Award in Being the Bestest Knight in a Shiny Armor Without PeePee".
Congratulations to Amorey, Informer over and out.

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Quote:
"Morals should not be left behind only because we are in a virtual world. Breaking wind when other people are present is more morally easy to accept then someone urinating on a corpse or a wounded player...or a GM for that matter....that was one of the reasons why this emotes was taken out...people were abusing the /petition system...calling for a GM assistance and then when GM was there urinating on them, taking pictures and posting all over that place...what kind of image would this publicity give to Age of Conan?"

Peeing, such bad publicity. So bad. Bad urin. Bad, bad, baaaad urin.

Labour Day is Incoming, Aquilonia fills with raids and sieges!

Good day, this is the Informer.

SCUM is attacking Argonauts (empire) keep this Friday. Argonauts have a good defensive history, and SCUM has been quite shitty in their few latest battles, so the outcome is blurred. It's anyone's ballgame, good luck to the participants.
I wish there would be a "audience" mode, where you could view the ongoing sieges as a spectator. I'd like to watch these two exploiting-monsters having their war, enjoy a bit of popcorn and maybe make a drinking-game:

1. Take a shot every time you see Galadh's head torn apart.
2. You can order one of your mates to drink when you see Robzor torn to pieces.
3. Every time Tsuniko dies everyone has to drink!
4. Every time Gengar climbs on a rock and starts nuking, everyone shouts "RUDE DATE-RAPE". The person who shouted last, has to take a shot.
5. When a ToS kill's everything around him/her, everyone has to jump up and shout OP-GODMODE, slap the ass closest to them, jump again and make a lightning sound *boom*. After that, everyone takes a shot of tequila.

Aquilonia itself seems more and more deserted, only minor chitchat an pve-raids taking place. The good flow of siege-battles seams to have paused for the celebrations of 1st of may. Informer is also taking a brake; but nevertheless I will keep an constant eye on Aquilonia, remember kids..

Informer never sleeps, Informer is always watching, always behind you, sneaking in to your naked-rp events stealing your xp.

Informers Views of PVP-LVL's and progress

Good day, this is the Informer.

FunCom, you have a shitty and exploitable player versus player progression in Age of Conan, the mmo. There's no way around it, the system is pure shit in it's finest form; megashit-of-most-exceptional-epicfail.

The flaws of the system:

1. Easily exploitable.

2. Very easy to gain high exp in low-levels, because the class balance is horrid.

3. Does not reward for pvp-acitivities such as minigames or sieges, counts only kills.

4. The fundamental system, where a person who is skilled in killing other players gets to have even more efficient tools of death, and even more survivability against other players is idiotic, because it shifts the balance of the game.

Now, on 1.05, FC has taken a step to make raid-gear viable for pvp, and this has raised a storm of cries on testlive. 

C'moon, you cant nerf our exploited gear we got in a week on ws-isle, NO DON'T TAKE IT NO I QUIT GAME NO NO NO! Those raiding pve-carebears who go and do nothing else then hangaround in some dungeons dont deserve to be equal or have an edge with their gear they have grinded for six months!! ITS UNFAIR, REVERT THIS CHANGE!!

Informer hopes that every person crying against this change shoots themselves. You are not needed as inhabitants of planet earth, you have failed. Now, please die and get out, and if you made any offspring take them with you.

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Every little detail.. so many small things.

Good day, this is the Informer.

Aquilonia has had another busy day, not hugely but there's lots of little things happening. Kaizen has founded a new military guild, Order Of Steel. You old seahorse, wont you ever learn. Isn't this about the 18th guild you have put up since launch?

Sanguis Attexo has lost some players to SCUM (Cogne, someone else?), who keep growing and are now the biggest guild on Aquilonia by a clear margin. Sanguis also seems to keep very low profile, they have napped everyone and I presume are mainly holding hands inside their Battle Keep.
Now how gay is that? Answer: Super Gay and Gosh! Ever so jolly!

Acolytes of the Shadows seem to have stabilized, and are now recruiting newbie players (every old players know that they are quite remarkably retarted assholes, the whole bunch of them).

Legio VI Victrix has been dragged to their first war by Band of the Gray EpicFaile.. uhm.. Clovers. I got confirmation from both sides, and it seems someone managed to pissoff someone and something happened, leading to hostile activity and butt-raping in Kheshatta. Really fucking originell, really, but funny to watch.

Cavalieri Del Destino was seen some days ago waring against the Empire (I think it was Argonauts). I should have reported this when it happened and I remembered it well, but I didn't feel like making an originell posting for such a "trivial" matter. I still expect a confirmation from someone; is cavalieri warring against Empire, or wassit something random that happens in Kheshatta everyday?

Informer stays alert, and watches over Hyborian nights.

Holiday In Kheshatta

Good day, this is the Informer.

Today I took a brake, a holiday of sorts. I wanted to feel the warmth of the sun agains by butt-cheaks, sand between my toes and wind in my hair. So I went to Kheshatta, the sunny pearl of south.

After zoning, I got butt-raped. After ressing I got ear-fucked. After hiding I was mentaly molessed by /tells and, the grand final, after un-hiding I was be-headed with a comet pulled down from it's orbit by an evil sorcerer.

Then I took my iGankPhone, and called to my GM; "Please, send help a.s.a.p. code red, code red, Kheshattaaaaah!!". After five hours of Zerging the brain out of everything moving, I was 9 pvp-xp richer and my K/D ratio had gained 50092356687 kills.

I am now officially the toughest guy ever!

Informer recommends everyone to not take Holidays in Kheshatta.

Exalted; too drunk to fuck?

Good day, this is the Informer.

I had a word today with several very dissapointed Exalted members. I was trying to ask around, how their fight agains McHuns went, and were they able to conquer the Kebab-Fortress. No, they weren't, they failed miserably. Everything that could have went wrong, went wrong, but the most shocking news were as follows.

Looking at the answers of those Exalted members I got to interview, and the manner they were muttering their responses, I've come to the conclusion that Exalted were too drunk to fu... fight. Something I had thought possible to happen, afterall sunday is a prominent drinking night for Exalted and their alcoholic allies.

I was able to get verification, after bribing one of their senior officers. He told me the whole story for a six-pack of beer; how they were pissed beyond repair as early as two hours before the raid. They also lost one third of their raid for a wild hippie party just before the match, and the rest... well, here is a video from the fight: Video.

You can clearly see, that the whole raid is rather "dancing" by jumping up and down, and the Kebab-Enemy is nowhere to be seen. They are actually fighting eachother, pissdrunk, even too drunk to fuck.

Kebab-people 1 - 0 Exalted.

Coming in and out of hide!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Otso came out of hide today in Kheshatta trying to pin down lvl32 enemy, but then suddenly ran away and hid himself again as he saw Robzor coming out of Yakhmars Cave. Robzor then came to kheshatta, after visiting traders at Old Tarantia and popping in to Serpents Head Inn in Khemi for a quickie. After 3.5 hours, when Robzor zoned to Kheshatta, Otso knew he had done the right thing; he's k/d ratio was unharmed and the Robzor-danger avoided.

Informer recommends doing absolutely nothing.

RP is getting back to Aquilonia

Good day, this is the Informer.

RP, or "Role Playing", is coming back to Aquilonia. Thanks to mainly Kaizen, who has single handedly brought up RP more in the past week than any other player, GameMaster or (heaven forbid) FunCom itself. Now there is Old Taranta RP-day coming, and the Informer is looking forward of reporting detailed summarum of how it went.

In the past few months, Aquilonia has been PVP-server regardless of the "rp-pvp" tag our humble home has had since launch. We have had an ongoing debate of rp'ers vs. pvp'ers since pre-launch, and it seems that 99% of Aquilonian players have no idea what so ever, what pvp-rp means.

It means player versus player enabled roleplaying server; a server that has open world pvp, and roleplaying ruleset. 

It means you can attack anyone in game, but you must play your character and try to immerse yourself to the world and obey rp-ruleset (names etc.). 

Nowadays it seems that 90% of Aquilonias inhabitants has taken on the role of a derainged murderer, who sits all day on Kheshatta respads. Rest 10% (mostly legio victrix) are playing marathon runners who run back and forth between Kheshatta Oasis and Kheshatta City, napping everyone they meet. Forest Gump gone AoC, byt hey everyone can rp like they like, right?

[Suggestion] An IQ test for posting at test-live forums proposed

Good day, this is the Informer

News from the testlive forums! Tsunikos mass-spamming has raised an uproar in the community, coupled with the retarded Demonologists who inherently keep harrassing everyone, for they claim to have been made unplayable by the 5min cooldown on PlanarShift.

Jeesus Fucking Christ. A month ago I couldn't imagine anything more annoying then Tsuniko, but yes here we have it: Good Damn Demonologists and their bloody Planar Shift. Cant you see how incredibly retarted you people are? You got a buff to magic damage, buff to healthpool (while melee damage has stayed the same) and you can kite better then even rangers, the kite-class. You maggots have the most CC, the best survivability ability (PS) and you are "unplayable". Help me Jeesus, Zeus, Putin! Someone shoot these ratinfested-fuckfaces, shoot them now, before they reproduce!

Ah, back on topic.

Now there's a suggestion to take IQ test before you can post on TL-forums, a good idea and definitely a step to right direction. Sadly, the current state of the game both on live and on test clearly shows, that such a test would exclude all FunCom employees from the forums.
Informer suggests, that we make a KOS-deal with God (let him be Jahve, Allah, Buddha, Zeus, Putin.. maybe even all of them) so that he puts every active Forum-Demo on hit list activated by the "Post New Reply"-button. I'd suggest to hit them preferably with lightnings, but fire bolts will also do the trick.
This way most of them are dead by evening, and every sane person playing AoC can breath freely.

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Spring brought forth the sun, flies, sparrows and the Sieges!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Springtime brought a welcome change on Aquilonia; besides bugs and waking bears we have a huge increase in siege activity! Besides the usual failings of BotGC, we also have the Anatolian Huns moving in for a kill, and the ever-so-ordinary Exalted backstabbing them! Woah, what a weekend to look forward to!

The Kebab Empire known as Hun's is launching an attack on BotGC keep tonight, and the outcome depends solely of the target that BotGC chooses to achieve failing in. Might be that they are after the "lets fail failing"-challenge, and kick Hun-Ass over the fields of Poitain, but I suspect that they have something more cunning planned. Wait and see, this is pure speculation, but we might even see succes in the "failed so show up" tryout, one of the most desired failing-badges there is!

The other siege I noticed is going to take place at Kebab-grill.. erm, Keep. Warriors of the Hungover-Hungry, also known as Exalted, are going after some violent Kebabs on late sunday evening. The timing of the fights correlates nicely with the usual "urge for junkfood" these alcholics have on late sunday evenings, after three days of heavy drinking.

Everybodys favourite, SCUM, has also started to wage Siege-wars against everybody. Last time they were succesfull, but then were caught up by a ingenious trap! SCUM accidently built a Battle Keep where some evil spy quikly made... red decorations and red paint on inner walls!
Several guild members were cought inside to an endless loop. Walking in circles, smacking the walls, the lonely cries of "Red.. is... Dead..." hollowed througout the warzone.

They are still there, wandering, trying to get out. But they are not able. Red is Dead. Red is Dead. Thats all there is.

Tsuniko Alert on TestLive Forums!

Good day, this is the informer.

Tsuniko alert has been raised to death-black on testlive forums. Most threads on TL are now infested with her, Informer advices people not to visit TL-forums untill someone has stuffed a broaken oar through Tsunikos throat! By gods, is there no-one who can stop her?

Concerning Guards of Aquilonia and Bear Shamans

Good day, this is the Informer.

Today I, the Informer, got hold to the most amazing evidence. I will be rewarded with the Pulizer price, and the presidency of Sweden, for bringing this information onwards.

Guards of Aquilonia are fragments of Jimmy Hoffas soul, teared into peaces by a conspiracy of Bear Shamans. Most of them come from the "so-called" roleplaying guilds of Clann Koragg, Clan Kelloggs and Clan Chiken McNuggets. Also some separatist cultist-sells slumber in the Clan Fearghall and Clan Clandestino Buenos Aires Porfavor.

The "mystery"-cell of Aquilonian terrorists held a ritual in AoC beta in 1975 (early acces), transporting Jimmy Hoffa from a Californian parkinglot to a secret location in Eighlopian Mountains. This was due to a breakup between Hoffa and the bs-cult.
The Cult was responsible for providing narcotic mushrooms to Hoffa, the Kennedy Family and several other prominent US families, also including some mob-ties to the westcoast "italian american" families.
Hoffa came increasingly dependant to these mushrooms, and ultimately that led to a breakeup between all counterparts, to the Kennedy assasination and the first american mob wars. Hoffa managed to escape the enraged bear shaman cultists for few months, but then he was jumped by a huge bs-zerg 2:45 pm on July 30, 1975 from the parking lot of the Machus Red Fox Restaurant in a suburb of Detroit.

Hoffa was taken and butchered in a shamanistic ritual, and his soul was shattered into 7568 pieces witch the cultists sold to desperate FC programmers 2008, when they were trying hard to come up with a pvp-notoriety system for AoC.
The Programmers had the grand idea of putting pieces of Hoffa's soul inside every town guard to allow their basic AI. What they didnt think at that point was that these fragments also carried memories of Hoffa, and they remembered the betrayal and hatred of BS-cults.

So, to sum this up. Guards of Aquilonia hate Bear Shaman, and will attack them "KoS", kill on sight. This is due to every Aquilonian guard having a peace of Jimmy Hoffas soul, whom Bear Shamen lured in to being addicted of poisonous and hallisinogenic mushrooms. They caused the Assasination of Hoffas close friend, J.F. Kennedy and jumped and killed Hoffa with a great Zerg, on a lonely parkinglot 1975.

That is all for tonight.

Morning times are very very dull

Good day, this is the Informer.

I have absolutely nothing to say, as the Aquilonian community is fast asleep. Nothing is happening, and only Osaikomi is still online. Even he had to start stabbing himself with a dull butterknife, borrowed from Woody-Wood, to keep himself awake and spamming Global with breakfast suggestions. Osai, you dirty little attention whore, we know you are there. Even when you are ignored. There's a little Osaikomi in everyone, burried very deep inside the unconsiousness parts of the mind.

Nova Krepusko In Memoriam

Good day, this is the Informer.

Nova Krepusko. You lovely swedish bastards whom I always kept bumping into but who's names I never really knew. Informer has been informed, that you are no longer. Tongues talking in the shadows of the Hyborian nations are talking of your deminishing and defeat; which I today saw with my own eyes.

You shall be remembered like most Sweeeedeeeees have been remembered throughout history. You had big talks, high allies and a code of conduct most envy and admired. Your female characters had the breasts to back up your leaders high winds and fearless talks. Really, really mighty boobs. Those boobs shall be remembered and praised in campsongs throughout Hyboria.

When it came to delivering, you always managed to get someone to do the dirtywork for you; Alliance was your saviour; the vassal nations were bent to NK rule. Reminds us for the good old days of the swedish empire.

Now when the game gets though and the tough gets going, you surrender your borders and join the invading empire. Dejavu™

Your high leaders will hopefully find a good home amongst SCUM; where there is a huge pile of shit there will be the flies, and the swedes. I counted that more then five have moved there lately, and I predict that the flight of the frightened swedes to the warm embrace of SCUM is nowhere near finished.

Nova Krepusko, in memoriam, honoured by the Informer. Swedes have gone fishing.

P.S. the race to capture Nova's BK is now open!

King is dead, all heil new king!

Good day, this is the Informer.

DarkTiding, the trusty old seabucket, has resigned from the position of common spitbucket. But not to worry, the Forum Overlord and Commonplace Nazi, the one and the only Mistress Tahitoa, has pointed a new spitbucket.

Congratulations Hopsy, the flingy son of a beach, daughter of SCUM and the bringer of granny-diapers. Informer will be most happy to poor all "monster related" heces your way. I trust that your time served eating bear shit in SCUM has made you expert on handling every sort pve-poo, doodoo's and peepee's that you have to face in your new position.

SOURCE1

SOURCE2

New Raid Reset Time

Good day, this is the Informer.

Raid-instance reset has been changed today to happen on Tuesday morning, 4:00am GMT. No matter how trivial this is, it has raised cries on forums that can be heard over very loudly played David Hasselhoff music videos. If you want to test it, first *click* here and then go to the official forum topic found here. The disturbing affect that the music video has is completely overcome by the idiotic comments of the average AoC players, specialy concentrating on the ranting on the raid reset times.

The usual forumtrolls, Amorey and the rest, have taken over the thread after Game Hitler Silirrion spitted a few words out, and are now heavily petting eachother verbaly. This is predicted to peak in a massorgy of verbal self-agreement and pats (spits) in the back. "Dear god, we have the game masters attention, quick, where is my lube!" was one of the loudest comments Informer heard just before running away in shear terror of this abomination.

Kheshatta Battle Report

Good day all, this is the Informer.

If you come out of hide in Kheshatta, you have approximately 0.2 seconds untill China launches 297500 Nukes at you. After 0.3 seconds, the U.S. of A. decides that it was really immature from you to irritate China that much and they will launch 98500 nukes at you. After US reaction, Galadh will show up to poo over your body, hoxymãnãnã dances around naked and Tsuniko will write 8 topics on forums, and give all-around-excelent advice in 750 threads.
3 seconds after you have unhidden your self, the moon itself will collide with earth, sun will explode and Venusians are going to blowup the Galaxy.

Informer recommends everyone to stay hidden in Kheshatta.

Kaizen for rp-advocate?

Good day, this is the informer.

Informer has heard some whispers saying, that FC is concidering a new advocate; the roleplaying kind. Kaizen-EU seems to have heard these whispers, and is actively raising his status on the RP-scene by active, enthusiastic behaviour both in-game and on the forums.

Kaizen, friend. Hope is lost. You've got it wrong, and I blame your long season off-the-game for it. Advocates are not the people with most experience, but people with least experience. They are there, that selfish community bastards can voice through them unedited, uncencored, to the devs. And Dev's can use that as an excuse for not listening to the community i.e. "Well, from you advocate-X we have only had crappy suggestions, so thats why we have ignored the community all together. I mean, you guys (community) seem pretty retarded).

In any case, Informer is pleased to see this old goat back on the playing fields, pretending to be the mayor of Old Tarantia by the looks of the latest rp-events

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EXPLOIT DANGER: Argonauts and Empire vs. Vistrix

Good day, this is the informer.

Argonauts, the ego-tastic-greeks, have been cought on tape exploiting Vistrix, the tier-1 raidboss. HOW FUCKING GAY AND RETARDED CAN YOU BE TO BE FILMED WHILE EXPLOITING YOU DUMB FUCKS?! They have managed to bug-out Vistrix to reality, and have him fight without spawning adds. The video has been added to youtube, and mirrored worldwide to stop the Argonaut cover-up.

WAY TO GO YOU FUCKING RETARDS! NOW EVERYONE WILL DO THE SAME! FUCK YOU TOO FUNCOM THIS GAME IS TO BAGGY TO PALY!! NO E MOAR!!

Evidence

Argonauts is also hosting a private fightclub, cought on fraps.

Community has voted: Screenshot is enough for server 1st kill!

Good day all, this is the Informer.

Aquilonia has voted! Or atleast the 6 people + Tsuniko and her 12093463465 alts who roam the official forums have. The results are in, and clear: Screenshot is everything you need to get server 1st kills from now on.

This has absolutely no relevance into anything, and has to do only with pve-carebears shedding tears over trivial disputes on their silly little sandbox. People, it's a game. You have already killed everything in it, so why not just get drunk and be happy with it?

In relation and in-couse-of actions have followed after the results were made public. Notorious Notark has already started an advanced crusade against the "democratic" vote of Tsunikos alt's, and is trying to master a coup to make himself replace Tahitoa, the Forumdemon-Lord, so he could start making new polls with correct results.
Wood, the master of butterknifes, is also moving behind the shadows but we havent been informed about his intensions yet; but there is the sweet smell of multiple-coups in the air. We suspect, that Wood is trying a cunning mirage-diversion to take over the afternoonhours from 2pm to 4pm, and naming then as "Wood-hours".

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BotGC Failed, war against Acolytes was won!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Informer was informed, that Band of the Gray Clover has failed in their attempt to Epicly-Multifail in their latest siege. As is commonly known, BotGC has the servers worst siege-history, braking all records of getting beaten on or off the battlefield.
Still they bravely set up new goal to fail-upon, disregarding how much they have already accomplished to fail, and how hard it will be to accomplish more in the broad field of failing. Even with the odd against them, BotGC set bravely onwards to fail where no-one has ever failed before, 48 vs 6 siege.

They are, without a doubt, the ultimate pinacle of pvp-fail, but nevertheless, they have failed to fail in their latest attempt to fail. The attempt itself was brave, but was lacking all-around; there simply was too much succes to accomplish new records of epic failing.

BotGC has taken Acolytes keep. Acolytes received help from their favourite lollipop SCUM, and even Legio-Victrix who usually just stand around Kheshatta napping everyone coming by. Legio Victrix is the only guild known to Aquilonia, who have succesfully napped hyenas (they have close family ties to Ghoul Hyena through their GM) and the Kheshatta Fox (whom they concidered a threat for running so fast, even faster then Victrix). Hopefully this is going to change, but somehow the Informer doubts it.

SCUM and SA have adopted a baby from 3rd world country

Good day, this is the Informer.

SCUM and Sanguis Attexo have warmed up their inner relations, and to celebrate this they have adopted Acolytes of the Shadow, led buy MacLisa. MacLisa is ever so happy, as she can now tenderly suck SCUM lollipops.

Picture of Proud parents with their "newborn".

BotGC wars agains Acolytes of the Shadow

Good day, this is the Informer.

Band of the Gray Clover will be sieging against Acolytes of the Shadow in the aftermath of the "Great Battlekeep Coop" tonight. Check your ingame PVP-calendar for exact time, as it is relative to your timezone.
Acolytes is the pre-favourite, as BotGC has a record brakingly bad siege-history; these guys know how to loose! BotGC is going for the new record of loosing and epic-failing by trying to loose to a guild with six people, from which atleast two will be offline during the fight!

Good luck to Band, Informer wishes very best for the both sides.

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Complete Guide to Aquilonian Guilds

Good day, this is the Informer

Informer has been asked to review the Guild-Scene of Aquilonia. This will be a very quick look on the guilds, their political attitudes, and ambitions. I will only go through relevant guilds, which means that I wont list nor detail nor even mention those "hey we have 100293836ppl in our guild and dont do shit, you should have mentioned us we are BIGGGG!!".

SCUM, they come first for they raise enough hell to make the whole server tip-toe every single time they fart. They are neutral to everyone, as they use the phrase "Red Is Dead". It means that they attack everyone who is read, or atleast should do so. What would happen if we put SCUMlings to a red room?

Sanguis Attexxxxo, the new zerg. They run around khes napping everyone except SCUM and Empire, and then zerg the shit out of everyone they havent napped already. When you see these guys, it's time to take a nap and come back later.

Empire. No guilds themselves worth mentioning, they come in one huge group you can identify from the "XXXX - Empire" guild-tag. They also sport a shitload of stupidass ganking alt-guilds (all sorts of murderers of hyboria et al). Empire ideology: If you dont have (empire) tag, we will zerg the shit out of you, unless you are a napped lakey-guildie.
Usually you confront 3-6 empires, kill them with white-hits, and then 3-5mins later you will have a zerg of 24-900 players hunting you around the world.
Empire is well known for their Naked-RP and high lvl-pvp-players who can be white-hit-killed in duels.

Alliance. No guilds worth mentioning separately, but have to mention them here for they dont have a common guild-tag (you stupid fucks). Exalted, Nova Krepusko, Band of the Gray Clover, Dracones Nigri. Group of old-timers, who only play to minigames or raids. They hold some BK's, and "fight against Empire and Scum". Lakeys of SA (napped? family? payed whores?), "honourable playerbase" who talk shit about you in Vent/TS, and ress-camp-spawncamp-ZERG you like all the others when they have enough people online.

Celestial. They are russians, who dont know enough english to communicate with the rest of the server. Very nice bunch to adventure with, or ninja-loot their raid-drops! When they /tell you, its nice to not know anything they are talking about. Have you guys ever ... thought about moving to a russian server?

The rest of you. Who the hell are you? Do something worth mentioning you lazy fishbaits.

Tsuniko is on a forum-troll Rampage!

Good day all, this is the Informer.

Tsuniko alert level is now black.

We have been informed that Tsuniko is on a trolling-spree on the forums, both EU and TEST. We advice people to use extreme caution, if you spot a thread with Tsuniko post's we recommend staying away, as further investigation of these posts will make you vomit, tare your hair out and ultimately lead to your suicide.
Tsunikos wannabe attitude to take part and advice every single one of class forums, general forums, tech-forums, flowerpositioning, gardening and garden-troll venues makes it very dangerous to browse any topics on the official forums.

Dangers that uncaerfull readers will confront are (amongst others): incredible amount of stupidity and "paternal attitude" enclosed into those posts, with Tsuni it's always "my way or the highway". You can spot Tsuni's alt by carefully studying the "shit" level of their posts, and ultimately they are easy to spot for an trained eye. Subjecting yourself for too high amounts of "Tsunidiation" will lead to fore mentioned symptoms.

New studies indicate that Tsuniko is responsible of 99.5% of crazy shit on the EU-forums. Rest 0.5% is SCUM fanmail, from witch we havent studied the source. Tsunikos alts are suspected.

Source1 (solution for all barbarians on how to kill shit)
Source2 (tsuni wants to be able to shoot an arrow from OT to Kheshatta Oasis)

All-New "Very Special Peoples Club" Has Re-Opened!

Good day all, this is the Informer.

New Special Peoples Club has re-opened it's doors, the "Aquilonia-EU" bulletingboard is open once more. Or, should I say still, as it has been open for quite a while with a massive user base of 3 people, and their 934462 trolling alts. The Informer wishes you best of luck, and good-speed banning eachother. Happy hunting, trolling, and flaming.

Notorious official forum-evangelista, Tahitoa, is also rumoured to have signed in to have virtual loverelations with Guvadan and the lot. Enjoy your uncencored stay Tahi, we love you <3

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Newly Appointed Barbarian Advocate has installed Age of Conan

Good day all, this is the Informer.

I have been informed, that the newly pointed Barbarian Advocate Sabbath1989 has installed Age of Conan, the MMORPG and has started playing.

Informer wants to welcome Sabbath (are you by any chance black, as in Black Sabbath?) and congratulate FunCom for choosing only the very best and most experienced players to Advocate Program.

Special thanks, and special olympics price, also for the Priest of Mitra advocate for suggesting new "god-mode" pom feats, including one minute invulnerability with two minute cd. Hopefully FunCom will listen to your most excelent ideas!

Source

Brother Hood dude atlast noticed the typo, the whole server cheers

Good day all, this is the Informer.

The guy recruiting for Brotherhood of the unspoken has *finaly* noticed what the whole server was laughing at for a month:

DUDE, Your guild-add says Brother Hood. Brother_______HOOD. WHO IS TIZ BROTHER HOOD, DOES HE HAVE BROTHER SHOE AND BROTHER SHIRT? Or maybe Brother Tom, or Brother Joe. Are you peeps calling your members as "Brothers"? Oh Brother...

The Informer congratulates Brother Hood dude. Nice one mate, I will drink to you honour tonight.

New Flavour of the month; Conquerors, Nekros and Demos

Good day all, this is the Informer.


Informer was informed, that 3/4 of Tortage population consists of Qonquerors, Demonologists and Necromancers. Seems to me that people have stayed awake with test-server, and the endless armies of ToS'es are giving room for the next OP bunch! Good luck to us all, and good luck sitting on the DM tent for all you tortage ravers!

Only soon-to-be-OP class missing out from the bunch is DT's, perhaps people still fear that FunCom has somesortof "last-call" mega-nerf to the King of Nerfed Classes.

Demo's are having a group-hug and singing ballads to the memory of Planar Shifting

Good day, this is the Informer.

News coming in from the testlive. Demonologist ability, Planar Shift, that makes demos un-killable for 10seconds (invus, evade, shield buff) has been altered to have a 5 minute cooldown instead of 1 minute.
Demos started panicing right after, for the poor souls claim that they cannot survive for 10s w/o PS and one minute cooldown. Though they have a good enough healthpool, large amount of CC, best DPS in game and still PS (with longer CD). So they have the survavibility of a ninja, and the firepower of a nuclear missile.

The Informer recommends all players, who are threatening to quit game, to actually quit the game now. Or to start a petition for Demos to be able to use Heavy Plate Armour to compensate for this grate loss! Now thats something I'd like for my demo... *uuups*

Source

Veterans Premade sucks, Osaikomi and Vicious are annoying retards

Good Day, this is the Informer.

This news is just in. It seems that Veterans sucks at premade minigames.

Also on the headlines for today, /Global QQ Osaikomi has teamed up with Vicious to harrass some ass over naab-zones (might be also saab-zones, seems gay enough). Osaikomi, a brave retard of lvl 39 attacks and has hidden Vicious ('sin from Argonauts) lvl80 waiting in hide till the right moment and *SMACK* free pvp-exp! Vicious, grow some balls, you play IMBA class and still cant stay away from lvl40 zones.

Really nice boys and girls, and what-ever dickles shit-of-a-being you are Osaikomi. Informer thanks hes sources, as he'd be totaly blanked from this as /ignore has taken Osaikomi for weeks now.

SCUM has informed the informer of being cheating fucks, who exploit till the world ends (they also drive saabs)

Good day, this is the Informer.

Several SCUM members have come forth to announce that they have been eating Galadhs poo to get more pvp-exp. It seems that FC has implemented "Galadh Poo Frenzy", that aplies after eating mr.Bears shit. Droppings. DooDoo. It gives you 160% exp-gain, and that explains how come several SCUM-members have gotten their pvp-lvl5 in a matter of weeks instead of several months of grinding.

So, SCUM is not cheating by nekkid-RP, nor ganging lvlup-zones with gazillions Rangers. Instead, they eat shit for their exp. Let us all stand corrected.

Band of the Gray Clover are Nazi Fucks, Racist Pigs and all-around homosexuals

Good day, this is the Informer.


Informer has been informed by the Dracones Nigri (black dragons) that Band of the Gray Clover is a blatantly racist bunch of hillbillies, who like to burn crosses with white hoods on after BRC raids.

Video link foor proof

Source of Sorts

Patch 1.05, Hey it's been a year why not make the game again from scratch?

Good day all, this is the Informer.


Hey, has anyone noticed, the new 1.05 patch is on test. First impressions? WHAT THE FUCKING HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY GAME YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKED RETARDS?

Second Impressions?

STOP FUCKING DESTROYING THINGS YOU GODDAMN STUPID FUCKS! IT TOOK ME A MONTH TO LVL MY TOS!! AND NOW IT'S SUDDENLY A HEALER?? NAABS!! (saabs too). AND A WEEK TO XPLOIT TO PVPLVL5!!

Third Impressions?

WHO THE FUCK WAS THE IMBESILL WHO THOUGHT THIS UP: "HEY, NICE WAY TO BALANCE GAME = MAKE A NEW ONE!?


Informer feels compassion towards every TOS out there, and joins the ranks of soon to be OP hoxes, demos and DT's with fearsome powerleveling at Death Master Camps.
Tosses, hear this: we are going to rape three new assholes to every single one of you still playing after 1.05, just to make a point.
That there's no point.

A Complete Guide To Nakkid RP (and other whoring of naabs (saabs(volvos)))

Good day, this is the informer.

We all know the story. Funcom brought in pvp-xp to the game, and everything has gone crazy since. 1st of all ... the fundamentals. For doing PVP you get xp, with this xp you gain levels. With these levels, you get pvp-armour that gives you more damage and survavibility.

So, the more you practice pvp and become better, the more imba gear you get, and the more efficient naab-killingmachine you become.

This ofcourse has many drawbacks. Good player become nearly impossible to kill in pvp, bad players notice that it's darn hard to earn that xp... so what the heck, lets take our clothes off and whack eachother naked till we all have full-pvp-gear! So we can be imba too, without the effort of actually doing PVP!

The most notorious guilds on Aquilonia known to do this are Anatolian Hun Empire, All of Empire coalition and some perverted individuals.

Here we have some pictures for everyone to enjoy, including such scoops as "hey, it's Dracones Nigri, oh noehs no we arent xploiting, this is RP".

Ah, and here's the dirt with AHE

And somethings wrong with the Argonauts with also part two!! (like one wasnt enough)

**thanks for pyroset for the pic, for conrat of the vids, kalekh for the pic!**

Alliance Plotting - Free BK for BotGC?

Good day all, this is the Informer.

Nice to finaly see some serious plotting going on in the diplomacy department of Aquilonia. One of the most prominent forces on the server, Alliance of Exalted, Contemned, Nova Krepusko and Band of the Gray Clover pulled up a *almost* perfect manouver of free BK shuffling when Contemned decided to join forces with Sanguis Attexo, thus giving up of their BK (SA already had one).
The following plot was cooked up fast; BotGC had no keep for losing theirs few months back (and somehow they seem incompetent to get one, though they have tried) so Contemned offered their keep "with no strings attached gift", and invited Band to attack.
The plot went sour when some old members of Contemned found this out, and after waiting a moment for others to leave they took controll over Contemned and changed the name back to Acolytes Of The Shadow, thus waking up this old monster of a guild. Now BotGC faced nothing but an open arms welcome, and they reverted their plans for a moments hesitation.... for an open war, rumoured to take place on the next possible moment for the controll of the keep!

Can Acolytes hold on to the keep, do they have their old allies to call for or enough cash to hire mercs? We shall see, but the little birds from Alliance tell's us that theres now a great deal of grudge between Acolytes and the Alliance!