Empire; Undisputed Siege Champion!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Alliance gathered forces last night to attack Anabolican Steroid Empire (HUN's) keep, and failed. SCUM has tried the same with weekly attacks to HUN's or Argonauts keep, and failed. Infact, no-one has taken an Empire Battle-Keep by force in months! In addition, Empire has managed to win several sieges against others, for example SA lost a siege against them few weeks back even though they had large amount of help from Alliance.

In this aspect Empire is ruling over the end-game pvp-charts, with no equal match in sight. It must feel good to have rest of the server sucking your balls, aah, it feels so goood so goooood please lick a bit down down aaah down yes. Suck my balls. Chocklate Salted Balls, lick them, my balls!

LICK MY ASS, FOR MY NAME IS EMPIRE!

I forsee that in the very near future, if empires "overpower" stays on this level, no-one bothers to attack or defend against you. Just like a minigame, were you see that "oh shit, it's a goddamn premade, im leaving --->" phenomenon.

EMPIRE

Congratulations Empire; Aquilonian Siege Champions!

Lektor is Leaving

Good day, this is the Informer.

Lektor, servers beloved village idiot who has gives face to every internet retard having trouble with written English, has announced his departure with Age of Conan.
Lektor left after being back for a month. Making up your mind can be pretty hard at times. Somehow I have a feeling that Lektor will be back in some form, possibly as an tier-3 raid-boss.

Informer will miss your forum trolling, you were one of the best. I also miss your petite butt, for it was truly astonishingly tight one to stuff my "swoard" into.

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Aquilonia Beware! RP'ers are about...

Good day, this is the Informer.

Roleplayers are forming their own police corps to patrol various areas of Hyboria. Apparently they have had it with our ganking ways, and are trying to put the RP back to (RP-)PVP. Rest of the server goes lolling by when a knight from Kaizens mighty army jumps a "ganker", then stops to type. 

While typing his RP /say "Greetings you lowlife scumbag, I am from the Hyborian Police Department, put your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care", the target barbarian/ranger has either ran off or nuked him to death.

99% of Aquilonian Gankers acclaim to be role-playing a deranged serialkillers. I think it would be a good idea to put up a "Aquilonian Nightmares Department" for them. From TV we've all seen that serial killers like Dexter have pretty nasty nightmares from time to time. And these nightmares are so real they affect serial killers life in very material and real ways. 

So to address the gank-problem, I suggest to form nightmare groups instead of police.

When a nightmare squad member sees someone asking for help on /global, "goddamn Netko is ganking low-levels in Noble", the Nightmare Squad would start to take actions. At first, everyone in the squad sends rp-styled /tells to target; "Im in your dream eating your panties" "Im in your dreams showing you Robzors panties" "Im in your dreams cutting your niples with a tincan".

After sending these tells, the nightmare squad tracks down their target, and ganks him until he logs off, spamming say with with "nightmare" messages; "This is just a dream", "Im in your dreams fataliting your head off", "Im your nightmare, we have no ketchup", "I scream, You scream, Ice-cream!"

So, we would have our ganker-serialkillers and they'd have their serialkiller rp-nightmares, provided by the community.

Informer over and out.

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Aquilonia Haxxx

Good day, this is the Informer.

In the passing two weeks or so I have witnessed a great deal of blatant cheating on our server. Im not this time talking about nekkid-rp or other lame fightclubbing, I'm referring to the usage of thirdparty programs such as AoC-godmode, speedhack and radarhack.

AoC godmode is a utility that lets you use a multitude of cheats to "better" your gaming experience, sort of an utility with many functions in one. Radar cheat lets you see every mobile game target on your minimap. Speedhack is self explanatory; you increase your speed and/or can "bunnyhop" between locations so that it is impossible to hit you and you can circle your enemies to death. The trick with these programs? They are nearly impossible to check from the serverside. These aplications are invisible to servers.

To get caught you need to have a gm observing a player. FunCom doesn't even take videos as proof (because they can be edited). With the current response times from GM's it's nearly impossible to get caught.

I'm pretty baffled about this; hackers were around like good six months ago, but then they seemed to disappear. Now it seems we have them back, and to my observations I've seen many familiar fucktards using them; mainly few players from Celestial, HUN's and Acolytes of the Shadows. Unluckily I did not have my fraps available, so no evidence was recorded (cant really screenshot this), but now it's all good to go and im just waiting more encounters!

Also a friend gave me a /tell about some Royal Elite Killers and BLOOD members "hopping around the world", so this seems like a "server wide" problem again, as it was before.

If you manage to take videos, Aquilonian Informers comment sections is always a good place to post them; if they are good they might even make the headlines!

Dodox, the tale of a fine warrior.

Good day, this is the Informer.

Today, Dodox appeared. A pvp-lvl 5 HoX from the Anabolian Hun Steroid-Empire. 3000 or so deaths, 10000 kills. 

No-one has ever heard from you, no one has ever seen you pvp. Congratulations for very successful nekkid RP!

Or, apparently it's also possible that you have farmed BotGC members like Asmodaan, Johan and Curena as they seem to be loosing pants-down. Nice one Band, you have a HUN against you that has sat above a tent for his levels, and then "rp'd" his pvp-exp... and you manage to loose. Another top claim of Epic Fails for Band!

Informer is signing out for tonight.

Return of the Swedes!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Sweeeeeeeds are back. SWE-DIIES ARE BACK! Oh good god the SWEDES! They are BACK!! Like phoenix bird Nova Krepusko seems to be on the rise again after loosing half of their players to SCUM (the un-official swedish guild) and the other half to Giraffe Death Pits.

Aquilonian server was swedish free for a long time, only with the most necrotic Nova Krepusko members roaming around stealing Alliance progress raids and battlekeeps. But now, for some weird reason they have massed up great numbers and are beginning to own Tortage Undehalls with weekly raids.

Has AoC been on sale in sweden? What happened? Obviously you didn't take note of my advice on Giraffe death-pits in madagascar 2 that seriously enough, though you should have.

It's a shame really, they are nice those death-pits.

In any case, it's nice to see them blond titties jumping up and down and up and down and up and down again and again. Really missed them boobies. 

Swedes came back from fishing, congratulations.

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Robzor sucked balls; "This is the End" says Motherkali

Good day, this is the Informer.

Robzor and Motherkali have broken up.

Robzor and Erdi were seen today sucking balls in Kheshatta. Peculiarly this time it wasn't eachothers balls that got sucked; it was the Kheshatta Guards. Motherkali was roaming the roadside and heard about it from ever so lovely Gheos, who happened to lurk in hide next to them.

"It's finished now, I dont ever want to see his red shorts anymore!" and "You and your damn Guards, I should have known... I should have guessed!" are some quotations that by-standers witnessed, as they saw the Great Mistress of the Night run over the hills, and far away.

Informer has no idea where Mother-fakafaka-kali ran of to. Erdi logged off straight away, stunned Robzor was repeatedly ganked by SCUM. And after they disappeared the Alliance came and gang-banged him more.
Robzor now has anus that can fit a refrigerator, or Jedmaus ego.

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Dracones Nigri has left the building!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Draconis Nigri has left the Alliance in the aftermath of last weekends confusions. Alliance seems to be a tad silenced about it; by the looks of it no-one actually gives a shit.

The situation seemed peaceful today between Nigris and Band, and some other Alliance guilds like SA. So, though "divorcing themselves" from the alliance they seem to have managed to do so without any outbursts of violence. It's a damn shame.

FC: "We have had it, make your own goddamn raid-content!"

Good day, this is the Informer.

Captain of the Royal Elite Nazi-fly's, Commandant of Self-Prominent Global Shine, Owner of Evil Aura, Ruler of jadadada jada daa daa bla bla bla blaa bla blaa, Game Master Superman Silirrion has made an announcement!

Silmarillion-man has invited us all, with our guilds, to join testing of the 1.05 patch raid instances and raid encounters. Sil obviously hasn't been playing a minute on testlive himself, or else he'd already know few gruesome facts; 1) raids are very, very hard on tl 2) they are infact near impossible. 

Now please do remember, that these are not new instances, they are the old t1 and t2. So no new raid content, rather FC's view of "new content" that is making old content extra hard.

Now Sil-the-Man-Rillion wants us all to participate in testing the impossible. He wants YOU to tell YOUR guildmaster, to sign YOUR WHOLE GUILD to test-live and DIE MANY, MANY TIMES. 

Totally pointless, the raids are broken, eat your cookies and go home. It's already known, FC can "dublicate it" by going there with some characters and die.

What they should and need to do is to fix the goddamn raids, as has been suggested on TL forums dozens of times. Make mobs hit less and have less HP, scale them to the same difficulty level as it is now on live. If FC wants to give us tougher challenges, make new content like Toth-Amons Tower and House of Crom. That's the solution, pure and simple.

This also means, that the patch 1.05 will be postponed even further. I doubt that FC feels suicidal enough to publish this sort of content, as more then 50% of active players are indeed veterans who mostly do raids.

Here's some testimonials of the current situation on testlive. Decide yourself, if you are willing to be part of Sil's little "suicide squad". I for sure would need a payment to do something that stupid, for free its out of question.

Logic behind Sil's request? I fear it must be something sinister. Possibly he is bored with tons of whining players, and this is his revenge!

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Some quotes for the lazy people who dont want to follow links:
(talking about BRC t2 raids)

"Several wipes and 5 min fights against the mobgrps. Most casters went out of mana during the fights.
Excorant was really funy. We didn´t manage to kill a single gargoyle."

"- Black Ring Guards have absolutely crazy amounts of HP. Could they have been accidently buffed when normal guards were?
- BRC Wing 1/2 deaths send you to Kesh City instead of BRC Lobby (works with Wing 3)
- Gargoyle Master's room is black to varying levels depending on shaders (higher shader level = less black walls)
- Black Ring Gargoyles have absurd HP like the guards. Unless you have a lot of tanks it's basically impossible to beat the Gargoyle Master: By the time all the Gargoyle waves have spawned odds are you'll have taken down at most one gargoyle."

SCUM and BLOOD, match made in heaven?

Good day, this is the Informer.

SCUM seems to have abandoned their "one remaingin rule" from the "proud old days" and started to form naps and alliances! In evidence of this are the happenings of the past week or so in Kheshatta, the lovely war-resort of heat, blood and torn limbs!

For several days a good amount of SCUM members have been seen grouping, helping and power-leveling members from the BLOOD-guild in and out of Kheshatta. It's been especially reported that Gheos has taken a liking to a certain BLOOD barbarian and ranger, having loving petting sessions near Oasis Guards.

Especially lovely is the tactic of bringing one or two lvl 70-72 BLOOD members in a SCUM group to track down enemies and to give enemies murder points. Well done SCUM! You are taking exploiting and harrasing to yet another level level, where only Empire and you have gone so far.

SCUM has a history of being detested by majority of the Aquilonian community, and BLOOD has gathered some fame by ganking leveling instances such as Eiglophian Mountains and Aztels Aproach. God knows where and how these two have met, my guess is somewhere in the Hyborian deserts fighting over some abandoned carcasses.
If anyone has more information regarding the steps how SCUM and BLOOD got to be so close with eachother, please feel free to inform the Informer!

So now it seems these two "bastards of Aquilonia" have infact befriendid and allied; so much for "read is dead" SCUM? We can now safely tick that off from the "old-school" SCUM-rules, that was the last of them. You are now nothing but a pure gank-guild, no more, no less.

This seems to prove the point I made few weeks back; There will be only 3-4 massive alliances Zerging each other in few months, just wait and see. SCUM is no different, they cant hold ground on their own, so they ally with the "gankers" who are detested by rest of the server. They are the only ones they have been left to ally with, and this will be the third alliance.

Informer over and out.