SA lost to HUN's, keep remains!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Sanguis Attexo took a beating serverd by the ever so lovely Anatolian Hun Empire. Gardak was not lost though, as Huns already had a keep, but it was leveled to the ground building by building.

Both sides had help from their allies, on the SA side numerous alliance members were seen including Clovers and Exalted. Even the long-dead Nova Krepusko had used some necromantic spells to bring life Linsdman and few others.

HUN's boasted a variety of empire-allies, it was interesting to see two raids full of pvp-lvl 4 and 5's who no-one has ever seen pvp'ing anywhere. I have a strong feeling of *cough* exploiting *cough*, every legit player I know in lvl 4 or 5 has show to me that it takes massive amount of dedication and hard work to achieve. Months of dueling, zerging and minigaming. Months.

Nice to see empire members leveling in two weeks.

Informer over and out.

City for Sale!

Good day, this is the Informer.

The good and the bad are back in city-selling busines! It's been a while since we saw the last "city on sale" advertisement, but hey now we have another one!

So, if you are planning to form a new guild then this is a good chance to grab, if you have the cash. Kaizen has been with Order of Steel for atleast two weeks, so I bet he is feeling anxious to start a new guild soon, so this would be a good thing for him to consider.
On average Kaizen's guild live for three to four weeks. If the seller is reading this there is no need to reward me for this crusial info, but send a /tell to Kaizen.

Informer over and out.

SCUM Siege, destined to fail?

Good day, this is the Informer.

There's a bit of Siege news to talk about, I've waited a moment to gather a bit more to this post then just the usual "SCUM has failed".

SCUM has been launching relentless and weekly attack to Fort-Kebab for the past few weeks, with very poor results. The guild once so proud of their PVP-skills is beaten by a bunch of exploiting hooligans, who are mostly famous for gang-banging players 10 levels below them.
What does this tell you about the current state of the "so-called" top-pvp guild, SCUM? Well, it tells you that they are pretty much shit nowadays, and nothing more than another bunch of exploiting hill-billies; the second HUN empire. No more, No less.

It's entertaining though to see them rattling their weapons and shouting their empty threats day after day after day. Not once has SCUM beaten a fight "against the odds", not once have they succeeded to rule pvp on Aquilonian server. Not once have they defeated a siege without help from the bug-god's, and not once have they defended succesfully a Battle-Keep w/o the help of the bug-gods.
All they know, is to zerg with numbers and exploit the shit out of everything that passes on their way.

Anyways, here's a post feom Xeqtor (SCUM officers, high priest of eating bear-shit), where they are saying that they will defeat every single one of Aquilonias BK's. Guess what? They have managed to win once, and at that time the siege bugged. And guess what? After the sieges have come more stable, it's been all downhill for SCUM.

But perhaps they are managing to do something right; they have now obviously raised the slumbering giant to more active warring! Huns are attacking, and they are attacking Sanguis Attexo's keep Gardak this sunday!

I'm still expecting a lot more siege-activities on Aquilonia, come on guild leaders! Have you all truly napped everyone allready? It's getting really really boring to watch the good old "SCUM against wall of HUN's, FAIL!" match over and over and over again. Please, attack! All of you!

Informer hopes that everyone goes KILL KILL KILL!

SOURCE

Testlive PVP shuts down for the weekend

Good day, this is the Informer.

There was a small patch on test-live yesterday, and Funcom announced that they are shutting down pvp-servers as they need people to test pve-aspects of the game more.

Very nice of them to notice, that they have made pve a "little" harder, and now they want to know if that has affected the "fun factor" for playing AoC. As raid-pve is about the only endgame content besides pvp, what do you guess FunCom. Really?

HOW GODDAMN STUPID MUST YOU BE TO EVEN ASK THAT YOU FAT FUCKS!!

You shouldn't need players to test how goddamn shitty your pve is now in 1.05, you can just look at the numbers. LOOK AT THE GODDAMN NUMBERS YOU HAVE GIVEN HEALTH AND DAMAGE TO MOBS!! It's simple maths, EVEN A MONKEY CAN SEE IT! What is there to test, when I go into BRC and get *one* shotted with a fucking tank with goddamn full t2 gear by a Guard-mob?

 I CAN SEND YOU THE PARSER ALLRIGHT! Atleast it's easy to read, one row so even FC-devs can understand: Guard hits you for 9283938446 of health, you die you stupid fuckface.

You need player testing for bug-hunting or to test how servers handle big scale of players.. even to test how different group-setups work, find errors in quest's and etc.  Not this.. Not basic mechanics.

Informer recommends everyone to send hate-mails to FunCom.

Sanguis Attexo downs Leviathus

Good day, this is the Informer.

Sanguis Attexo has downed Leviathus being the third guild to clear all pve-content on Aquilonia. Before them are SCUM and Nova Krepusko (who got helped by Band of the Gray Clover).

Congratulations Sanguis, you smelly bunch of pve-care-bears!

Informer recommends you to raid wing 3 intensively, as it is by far the fastest and easiest wing of them all. With a high dps-group you can clear it in one and a half hours, but not for long. If a there isn't a miracle happening, pve will be made near to impossible in the 1.05 patch, and you can kiss your easy epix good bye.

So get them while you still can!

The New Zerg

Good day all, this is the Informer.

The New Zerg, also known as "Alliance", has been very actively buffing their presence in Kheshatta for the past few days. With Alliance I refer to the loose alliance of guilds; Sanguis Attexo, Band of the Gray Clover, Exalted, Dracones Nigri, Cavalieri del Destino.. Well, pretty much the whole server except Empire and SCUM.

There is also a old and trusty 2nd New Zerg, SCUM, that has been trying to raise some hell here and abouts. I remember how back in the day SCUM had a ruleset of not zerging and not grouping up to gang-bang solo players, but we can forget that now.

But what happens when these too zergs collide? Well, hard to tell as we haven't seen that happen yet. To me it seems, that SCUM zergs Kheshatta on daytimes with 6-12 players, moving between Oasis - City - Deathmasters Camp - East Ruins - Oasis.

Alliance-Zerg logs in late in the afternoon, and then starts to run the same route with the exact same sequence, as SCUM's. Back on forth, on an on-going rotation.

The funny thing is, that when Alliance Zerg logs in the SCUM zerg seems to log out. 

I smell something fishy here, and I don't mean my arm-pits; I just showered so it cant be that. Indeed, I smell a secret agreement, a secret pact with a commong goal. Like the secret pact with Nazi-Germany and Soviet Union to devide europe between them, and not to attack eachother. The Ribbentrop-treaty!

Informer has reason to believe that there is a "Ribbentrop treaty" in effect between SCUM and Alliance, with a secret goal of pushing common enemy, empire, off the block. They have divided the hours of the day between themselves to runaround khes, and they know what hours to log. And so they smack empire 24/7, making it a hell for them to play pvp in Kheshatta.

Very very nice, ingenious and evil plan!

NPC-Guards being revamped, what now?

Good day, this is the Informer.

More news from TestLive. Sorry to concentrate on TL so much, but Aquilonia is pretty much a dead server with necromantic dead-guilds like Nova Krepusko lurking around, refusing to die and wither away. NK, be a champ and take a note of from the Giraffe in Madagascar 2 - Escape Africa. Dig a pit, and go die already, it might take a few days but stay in the pit and it will come, death. 

If you haven't seen the movie please do watch it now, excellent humor coupled with a plot-line thats not too hard to follow with a dead brain.

In any case, Didek the Developer, Harbinger of Cheesy-Poofs and Commandant on Satanic Slavebots, has commented that NPC-Guardians are being changed and patched in the near future on testlive-server.

Informer had a close chat with Dide about the matter, and seems they (FunCom) have been looking in spectator view how the Guards are functioning now and what should be done. 

The following things are being worked on: 

Guards will be changed to look like Robzor, to make it more easy for Robzor to blend in while guard hugging. 

Guard AI will be made to more "zerg-like" resembling and average Anatolian Hun player; they will be never alone but in groups of 10 (8 in hide), when attacked they will fight untill 50% of health, when they will start running to nearest Guard for help. If killed, they will come back with another 900 or so Guards after spamming /global how you are a noob and easy kill and sending you five to ten offensive /tell's. 

Didek also said, that FC is considering making a special Guard for Otso, who would follow him around Kheshatta and whenever he'd come out of hide this guard would start dancing and make fart emotes.

SOURCE

New on TL: Pimp my mini-PVP!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Grand Satan, Lord of Great Illusions, Eater of Cupcakes and Creator of YumYum, the one and only Didek the Developer has announced that pvp-experience rewards for mini-games are ready, and coming to test-live on next patch.

It's about a fucking time, you goddamn incompetent assholes! What the hell did you create mini-games for, when not giving any reason to play them!? Experience gain for a game won should have been there from the get-go point zero! And why on earth has it taken six months to do this change that has been asked since day one when pvp-experience and levels were introduced? You people... unbelievable.

There's an ongoing wish-list that has really nice ideas of making mini-games shine. They vary from tying pvp-minigames with some quests ("capture X amoun of flags", "win X amount of mini-games in map A B and C") to adding more maps and allowing mini-games between all EU-servers.

SOURCE

Uproar of the RP-community!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Trouble stirs under the watchful hyborian stars. There's whispers in the dark alleys, sounds of steel clanging when doors are shut too fast; people are hasting to take cover. The wrath of the Gods is upon us, the fire that burns whole worlds has been awakened. But what is this mighty bringer of doom, to whom all things living bow and who they fear so much, that their names are not spoken openly?

The RP crowd is getting angry.

The issue has started to grow as Aquilonia has been more and more active in RP department lately, so has the anti-rp people also upped their protests. They come to RP events more often, or interrupt ongoing rp'ing in city-hubs, inns and pubs. But my gods, how? Isn't pvp disabled in these areas? Yes, yes it is.
Apparently they come in to RP-activities in groups, and start making masturbation emotes coupled with farting. Aquilonia has also seen massive amount of rp-violating names lately, and I myself petitioned two just today. Hopefully; good riddence Bluesman and Iamtheshit.

So, RP's and mature players alike have had it, and are now rattling their keyboards and flooding the forums with not just one, but two threads! And they even got Taribs attention, and a reply that didnt say anything. Niceone mates, keep it up!

Informer feels a bit speechles for the whole situation actually. This is like... I have a multi orgasm for the material to mock about, but then there is something deeply sad tones into this all too. Oh the humanity, O tempora o mores. I shall resist, and keep a serious tone on this one. Yes.

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Ultimately; this is what we get when we let stupid people breed.

New RP-PVP event!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Bababayama-amama-mama is hosting a new pvp-rp event. /tell him/her for more info.

source: /Global channel

"[Global] [Babamaya]: Pvp-RP Event: The head of Nikopol and Win 5 Golds
"

Happy hunting.