Sieges Bugged (again)?

Good day, this is the Informer.

The siege between Phonetic Mediterranean Language Family and Clan Hyperbranded-Breakfast-Cerial was a complete and utter disaster. Servers kept crashing and disconnecting untill after 15 minutes and massive DC siege was declared finished. Nicely done!

I did some research in the forums, and it seems that there hasn't been a single successful (and by this i mean non-bugged) siege in any servers of AoC, both US and EU and the National servers. Way to go Funcom, good fucking job again! We have two main points in endgame; Raids (pve) and Sieges (pvp). Sieges have been lacking since launch; and now you have managed to make things worse (as usual).

I for one am truly wondering, why the hell does Funcom keep on doing this, fucking up the game? I really loved 1.04 for it's stability, and it was starting to look like AoC is not in beta-phase any more. Boy oh boy FunCom must have realized that and somehow they have come to a conclusion that we need to revert this ungodly direction of joyful and stable gaming!

Guess what? Welcome to the Age of Beta-testers again. Played three hours last night, encountered 9 disconnects outside of siege, encountered numerous "bugs" such as riding while in hide, lacking stats on gear, bugged inventory, bugged guild city, bugged quests, bugged ladders, bugged mobs (21-million damage), bugged feats, bugged minigames, bugged terrain, bugged client that crashed to a memory leak.

Informer recommends everyone to quit the game until things get drastically better and enjoy the summer.

Return of the Deadly Ladders

Good day, this is the Informer.

Lots of reports coming in all over Hyboria. People are being murdered, butchered and killed in the most gruesome possible way; by jumping ladders! Ladders have been seen jumping around Aquilonia in murderous intentions ever since the patch, some blame bugs but most blame Mogilov and Nesher.

Informer recommends everyone to stay away from ladders and all sorts of climbing activity, you might never know where serialkiller ladders are situated! They might be stalking you even now!

Aquilonia, BEWARE!

Phoenix on the move!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Phoenix is on the move and going sieging this Friday - Saturday night! Fat mediterranean slobs have *finaly* found a dictionary to help themselves, and are now on their way to Klan Chicken-McNuggets Keep! 

McNugget stronghold is expected to get help from random friends in the community and from the enemies of Phoenix; that is probably amassing to be a very random bunch of players varying from SCUM to Alliance and to smaller guilds, possibly even Order of Steel. Legio Victrix would love to come and help, but alas they have napped the stones that were used to build the keep, so they cannot.

Phoenix, kudos for your courage. The first siege of 1.05 era. Informer stays alert, and will try to sneak in.

Good day, this is the Informer.

The 1.05 patch has hit Aquilonia, making the community buzz with new found enthusiasm and either joy or despair of finding how their beloved toon's and items have changed. Lot's of cries have been heard from conquerors, bearshamans, tosses. Lot's of joyfull praisal coming in from Pom's, Demos and necromancers, who now posses the easiest playstyle ever invented in any MMO; point your minions to attack and start bunny hopping.

The amount of "beta-testing"-feel has made it back to the game; servers are disconnecting players very frequently, there are lots of items around with bugged stats and graphics, and the instability is back to the game clients. ATI users have reported massive problems on game performance; fps has dropped from smooth to staggering and random game crashes.

The much feared changes to raids have been polished nicely; t1 is now easier then ever but the tactics for some bosses have changed a bit. You can still run through them with 12-man group if you know what you are doing.

Black Ring Citadel has also stayed on the same level as before, not much has changed. Agro management seems to be the key; a tip for everyone going that way is to not let them goddamn gargoyles run rampant, use concentrated fire and apply debufs preferably sooner than later.

Informer forsees many, many hotfixes and .1 .2 .3 .4 patches in the coming weeks, embrace yourselves for a whole lot of server downtimes!

SOURCE

Whole lot of Whine

Good day, this is the Informer.


Patch is here, Whine is here. Hard to say much, everyones going insane like rabbits and testing and killing everything in sight very randomly. Commons is a huge blast-zone, more of an fps-game than a mmorpg.

Informer would like to welcome everyone to "Age of Whiners".

Servers are now DOWN for the update.

Good day, this is the Informer.

Aquilonia is now down for the update. 1.05 is hitting the streets of our lovely Hyboria. In the meantime Informer recommends everyone to get drunk, undress and dance. Dance, dance, dance the evil night away!

The Day That Never Comes

Good day, this is the Informer.

The day that never comes is aproaching. The day that I R DONBOSCO learns new letters, Giant Poo shits on Ghalad in the wild, When Robzor takes off his pants for washing, the Day that Motherkali realises she has a gigantic penis. The day that Anal Asmodaan confesses to be Jypaes confirmation Priest and Father, the day when all of Phoenix stop eating Pizza and all of Empire abandon the ways of the Kebab and see the true light of Vegetarianism. The day that never comes, the day of days. The day when Erdi stops to run for the guards, the day that Morderik has less survivability then a tank! The day, when (hopefully) gazillion demonologists will quit. End of the tos era, end of the bs-era.





Tarib is promising 1.05 to be ready on live this wednesday. There is ofcourse the usual warning of "it will be ready when its ready" line, but hey he says they are aiming for wednesday then what the hell! Bring it on you fat slobs!
























































NO KIDDING.

Mogilov is Worried; PVP ruining the game?

Good day, this is the Informer.

There's always been discussion about pvp on Aquilonia, concentrating mostly on the hot-spots of "pvp v.s. rp" and "ganking v.s. rp".

Mogilov has made a long and detailed post about pvp in Aquilonia, and it seems to sum up to "Mogilov does not like that people have excuses to pvp or not to pvp. Mogilov no no likes alliances, nor politics, nor rp or rules. Mogilov like babanas, or wazzit bananas. Mogilox ganx ganx alot everipodi no rules ok?".
In short; Mogilov has grown tired of serverpolitics and would just like people to kill eachother randomly. To present his ideas, Mogilov posted "ironic" description of how he views Aquilonian pvp, masked in the form of "rules". The irony drops like a hammer when Mogi runs to defend his post when somene comments on it.

Quote:
"if you are jonx and it wasn't even slightly funny for you means that partially some of the things above was true, and you must be someone from empire."
"what im pointing out is that Aquilonia is very confused these days, only certain enemy is us... rest has united into very strange alliances that has no idea what they're doing..."


A tip of the day for Mogilov: Transfer to Fury. Aquilonia has so much egotastic assholes (like yourself), roll-playas, political animals and diplomatic twats that this servers is doomed to have very complicated pvp and political map. That is Aquilonia. For people who dont like it, we have CAPITAL LETTERS GUILDs. For people who dont like that either, we have PVE and PVP servers. What the hell did you expect rp server to be? Fury?

Mogilov is now awarded the "The Award of Exceeding All Levels Of Stupidity, Mastering the Field Of Idiotic Posting And Great Accomplishment of Being the General Forum Asshat". Congratulations!

Aquilonian community proves their worth by actually posting into this thread, commenting and trying to have a discussion. Please, people, dont. I know you dont have the brains, but it is a thread of whine and cheese with a guild advertisment and spam.
Well, this also prooves that we, the proud players of Aquilonia, are absolutely fantastic bundle of shit, stupidity and hypocrasy all mixed and blended perfectly!

Great day to be Aquilonian. Informer over and out.

SCUM and BLOOD, match made in heaven? VOL. 2

Good day, this is the Informer.

This is just in, from a deepthroat in Band of the Gay Horse Lovers! Apparently there was a Band/Pug raid on Vistrix last night, where numerous members of Band and their Alliance encountered SCUM & Blood pvp-patrols. Both SCUM and BLOOD used the same tactics of having a group of players in their 50-something levels attacking lonesome raiders, with one or two lvl 80's supporting and holding their hands in the back.

They ganked players coming to raid and then had beautiful and very animalistic sex with eachother, the corpses of the dead raiders and with the Polar Bears. Galadh was seen around wearing a pink robe, blue glasses with stars, boots and a whip. Numerous innocent players were admitted to their local hospitals for emergency councils and therapy after accidentally walking into this gruesome scene.

SCUM and BLOOD; beware aztels aproach, now they are breeding with eachother (and the polar bears)!

Kaizen has awaken!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Kaizen has waken from his summery slumber and is organizing a gladiator event. Nice. The idea seems to be the good old "lets get some people to whack eachother and roll-play audience." Not bad, but also very old and "been there done that" type of thing. Kaizen, you moldy old furball, I expect you to do better!




That's all. Nothing else happening. SCUM is ganking, Alliance is ganking, Empire is ganking, Phoenix is standing in Kheshatta Oasis with Morderik running about like a mad rabbit.

Some sieges going on; Exalted is still going after Hun's keep and Empire will attack someone randomly. Woody Wood and Cyber-Xuthal seem to be relentless on their assault, but really what the hell is the point? You *might* get their keep down to seventy-something percent, but w/o something bugging it is extremely hard to take down a keep that has good defenders. I'd suggest waiting for 1.05 patch, as it brings some fixes and tweaks. BK-invulnerability stacking being the most asked for fix in the whole history of AoC.

After a few interviews with Phoenix members, it is now clear why we dont see any phoenix sieges; they have had problems understanding English, and what a *siege* is. So, at the moment, sieging for Phoenix means standing around Kheshatta Oasis and being beaten by groups of SCUM and Alliance. THATS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT! Now, Phoenix members and guild-leaders; Open up your "Players and pvp window", found on the top of your screen (not now! in game!) on the left. Then choose Massive PVP tab, and get your GM to reserve an attack time at someones keep. Do it, you stupid fat mediterranean slobs!

Testlive patching up.

Good day, this is the Informer.


Another day, another patch on testlive. No rogue revamp, but good nerfing all around, and especially with demos. International Whine Prediction Center has given AoC-testlive forums the "code red" status as they predict a massive influx on whine and terrible cheese.


The whole 1.05 seems to be about nerfs. Everything is nerfed damagewise, and most classes even defensive wise. Why? To put is short; funcom wants to make a happy game with very little imminent danger. No-one can one-shot, no-one can two-shot. No-one can even three shot, you need to whack your keyboard until you bleed to actually kill another player.
Except for assasins, who are quickly becoming the most useless class ever invented. No defense, no offense means you guys will be the cannon-fodder other classes will feed upon.


Raiding took more nerfs also, and the difficulty level seems to be on par with live now. However, few bosses are still hard and most bosses have had their "exploit tactics" fixes, so guilds that have done a lot of kite-tactics or have used the "slaughter the poms, the guards and ress em up"-tactic with AB are in big trouble now; you need an actual strategy to kill them in 1.05, not some cheap exploit of game mechanics. This is good, and hopefully FC doesn't introduce more bugs like those.

Informer over and out.

Complete Boredom hits the Streets!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Complete boredom hits the streets of Hyboria and Aquilonia. Theres *nothing* going on, and the few attempts by different guilds to do something interesting have been in vain. Celestial has been failing miserably with their attacks to Nova Krepuskos keep, that is defended what seems to be the whole goddamn server except Novas!
At the same time Exalted is trying hard to get their hands on Fort Kebab, but also their attempts have been brushed off by the defenders. Seems that woody-wood is knocking his head in a Kebap wall, but kudos for trying.

Sinned's openings on RP and duel-hubs have been talked about, but that's all; no action what so ever has taken place yet.

Kheshatta is pretty usual with the zergs, many vs one ambushes and Erdi running about hitting stuns to people, puts on immortality and runs back to guards.

Aquilonia, we fail. Informer is bored and tired.

Jealousy hits the streets; aftermath of birthday event continues!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Russia and Poland, too lovely nations with very lovely and peaceful history. Two nations of goddamn hippies, living their lives loving and kissing and hugging everything around them. Few months ago FunCom decided that enough is enough, and decided to hold a special event for them. 

This was coupled with Age of Conan's birthday celebrations, and as such.. FunCom created a whole new server for a gigantic war of Russia v.s. Poland. As rewards for the fight players got decorative armour; helms for russians and "wings" for polish players.

Russia is attacking Poland. Uh, oh, Dejávu... Where have I seen this before hmm.. Oh yes, this was it!. And history did not rewrite itself; russia won. We didn't see ribbentrop nowhere, but the polish had a second frontline opened by a guild called "Volkswagen Gruppe".

Now, the information has hit the general public of eu-players. Mostly they are asking "why the hell didn't we get that kinda event? why the hell didn't we get helms or wings or weapons, just a lousy rocket that can be used every 8 hours?".

Indeed. Good questions. We got to sit around infront of Kings castle for an hour w/o anything happening. Jealousy is kicking in, and new threads are opened on the forums with the greatest of whine and bestest of cheese.

May the fail be with you, young padawans!

POLAND

RUSSIA (now we know where Celestial got their tactics from)

EVENT

FORUMS

TestLive and CharTransfers

Good day, this is the Informer.

1.05 patch on testlive is getting closer to be released, the longwaited fixes for raid content have been popping in steadily in the latest patches. Raid-content is looking promising; the system now favors balanced raidgroups (every class has their "debufs" that must be aplied) and the "challenge" is getting on par with live-servers.

Also class changes and revamps have been flowing steadily. There are few voices raised above the usual harmony and singalong though; demo's still cry like babies albeit being more overpowered then ever and the infamous "rogue-revamp" has yet to be seen.

Another new feature FC is releasing "soon" is payed character transfers between servers. They have now released information that they are allowing free character transfers to specific servers, and those are some of the national servers that AoC has (spanish, french, german). So, for us playing on Aquilonia that doesn't count at all, but it's a clear indication that we are getting closer and closer to "the white flight"; the incoming lollernoobs from fury and the outgoing rp'ers to Hyrkania when the paid transfers start. 

SOURCE

Huns and Corona PUG clears w3

Good day, this is the Informer.

Analtastic Hoodlum Empire has paused their nekkid RP and went on for a ganking crusade against Leviathus and quite surprisingly won! Congratulations, you vile bunch of hoodlums! However this sudden interest in pve raises a question; what is the state of nekkid-rp'nes and powerleveling?

Quite honestly I haven't seen that many huns on top of tents at East Ruins or Death Masters in about a week, and reports of sudden pvp-lvl 4/5's has also slowed down.. not a new one since Dodox! Does this mean that they have filled their accounts already? No new toons to power and nekkid-rp with? HUN's doing pve, what madness is this?!

And Corona continued their quest for the holy disconnects with Leviathus, and were finally able to kill him. God you guys are slow.

This is now the last news I will post about pve-progress; the current one is cleared by all major guilds and a PUG, the next PVE news will come when we get some new instances to compete on.

SOURCE

For Blood?

Good day, this is the Informer.

Sanguis Attexo, the server famous first-aid orientated guild is looking for new doners and new blood to view. They have been rumoured to favor mature women who have faster than normal period-cycle in their rectruitment operations. You get also points for larger than normal flow of menstrual blood. The blood donated to the viewing is said to be used to help the general population of Aquilonia; treat wounds and help the fallen.

I asked an interview with Horrible Holt and Underpowered Ulthae, identical twins of the Blood Viewers. I asked them why do they want to view blood, and it seems they get a sense of fullfillment and joy out of it; they have made statues of themselves in very erotic or pornographic positions. The statues are made of used menstrual pads, and held together with something that seemed to be glue. It was somewhat disturbing, but what the hell... we all have our perks. I want to thank all SA people for the tour, Horrible Holt and Underpowered Ulthae for the most but also that dim-witted fat-geek called "Has to be moved with a lorry" Lontus.

For anyone interested, Sanguis Attexo can be found on Kheshatta Oasis, helping the general public by viewing their blood. The method used is to chop of peoples limbs, and see how the blood is by spilling it to the ground. They are there most hours of the day, viewing blood 6 vs. 1. After viewing your blood they usually follow you to the respad and very helpfully view it again when you loose your shield of the risen.

Yours Truly,

Informer, loyal doner of the Blood Viewers

New SCUMtastic Blog on the Block

Good day, this is the Informer.

Servers all-time attention whores, the SCUM, have made a new PR opening in a form of a new blog here on blogger. Welcome to the club gentlemen. Informer wants to congratulate your choice of an excellent template. Nice! Copying is the highest form of flattery, so i'm blushing out of my pants now.

SCUM-BLOG, "because they care" (or more or less.. because we are incapable of complex thought).

The blogtitle goes like this;

"BLOG FOR GENERAL PUBLIC OF AQUILONIA TO COMPLAIN, WHINE, CRY, OR DEBATE ABOUT SCUM, HOW WE DON'T FIT INTO THIS SPLENDID COMMUNITY OF GREAT PEOPLE OF GREAT IMPORTANCE. BECAUSE WE CARE!"

That's just so sweet and for the pity of Angels I wont hammer it (much). Why would anyone want to complain over a mediocre guild of pvp'ers? What is there to debate, you guys fight everyone and die alot, so as the rest of the server is concerned you are pretty good pvp-exp and not much more. If you want to debate, then there's much more controversy with the so-called "empires" and "alliances" and their double standards, SCUM is so straight forward that only an idiot has any problems figuring you guys out.

Debate and cry. Cry. Well, everyone on Aquilonia cries. Crying is part of the Aquilonian spirit.. and SCUM, sorry but you are not the most cried about guild in the game, not even in the top 5. You have lost that game to different alliances and, of course, the oldest assholes on the Server; Empire.

People of great importance? SCUM has none. You have people of certain fame, but the effect that i.e. Kazim or Galadh have on the game is minimal; every last one of you is tied with the "red is dead" politics. No matter what SCUM leaders make, it all comes down to; you will be the enemy, always, to everyone. So you are basicly like NPC-mobs.

Alliance, Empire and Phoenix leaders have much, much more power in the terms of politics and diplomacy. If Alliance leaders declare war on a guild, they immeaditly affect the gaming of the target guild and the experience of their own guild members, and their alliance members. They create events and situations, that affect majority of the server.

SCUM has never been able to accomplish that much weight; you are by definition at war with everyone, and thus you have as much effect on the server as a general mob, death master or scorpion, has. Someone always gets killed by you, but thats all.

SCUM members have also been mediocre on the RP-scene as well. Sure, you have some events, but your efforts pale when compared to efforts of the rest of the server. So in that sense, there's nothing about you in terms of pvp, pve, diplomatics or roleplaying.

Good day, Informer over and out.

P.S.

How many SCUMlings do you need to create a blog? Three; one to copy, second one to write something and third to read it out for the rest of the lot.

Leviathus Raising Hell!

Good day, this is the Informer.

PUG raid called the PIG, led by the famous Balsy Ballinger, ran into big trouble last night when they faced the current end-boss of the game; Leviathus. Leviathus smacked the PIG-pug around with a large trout, and made a massive DOS-attack on their unsuspecting asses while they were still wondering what the hell to do with that gigantic flying shrimp, and is it possibly related to Ballingers mother.

With DOS Leviathus gained huge success, inevitably kicking every last one of the sorry PIG-pugs asses of his instance, and resetting the mobs. But Beastial Ballinger, never known to have given up when there is lingering ball-licking to be done, refused to give up! He boasted his troops with promises of grandure and succes; and they re-cleaned the instance in a matter of hours and faced Leviathus again.

"These sorry retards again, oh shit... why ain't there no-one good coming tonite, why is this PIG-pug shit again... I'll just slap them with a DC again and be done with it, and wait for some real players to face my wrath.." thought Leviathus.

PIG-puggers bravely ran in, started to whack the mobs around, but were again promtly DOS'ed into oblivion by the grand-master Leviathus and his special attacks! And this time, Bumpy Ballinger gave up and /leave'd the #channel of Leviathus, battered and beaten.

And what do you do, when you cannot get a GM to clear an instance for you? You go to the forums, and dont check if an issue has been reported gazillion times.. no, no you dont care if it has been reported and commented by the devs and the gm's that "it's a known issua, but we are sorry and GM's cannot help you with it, update is coming on the next patch".

No, ofcourse you dont check that up. Instead, you put up a whining thread, with the best cheese and cupcakes around! VonDreken, Morituri te Salutat, you stupid son of a beach. Possibly the funniest whine-thread in a long time! Best part has to be that when someone tolds these asshats that "its a know issue" they get replied with "shut up, me angry, shut up, me want angry" by VonDreken.

SOURCE

Minority Report

Good day, this is the Informer.

Roleplaying episode 3 is out and about. Boring fill-in episode, but the next one could be awesomeness again.

Empire (Celestial) is attacking Nova Krepusko, the giraffe deathpit guild. The event is going on as I write this, so an update will be made. Alliance is coming to the rescue for the poor swedes, but there is really nothing at stake as Celestial already has a keep. Thing that really surprises me is why and howcome Phoenix hasn't taken up and arranged siegeswars against the weak guilds that hold a BK; legio victrix (maybe eight of them in the game?), Nova Krepusko and Clan Koragg. They are already at war with Clan Kellogs and the Giraffe-Pit Warriors, and Legio Victrix... well, they have now been mentioned twice on this blogpost and would deserve absolutely no mention at all. Worst types of pve-carebears I've ever seen, and hilariously they call themselves as Legio.. Legio of goddamn "no no dont go to war, lets all hug and here's some flowers, here's some loove for you, love you"-Hippies!

Phoenix, get your goddamn act together and attack someone!

Kheshatta fighting has been continuing with the usual four-way zerg; we have alliance and phoenix battling over oasis while empire and scum are doing the roadside gang-bangs.

***edit***

Celestial failed. Alliance came to the rescue with full force, and after a longish fight Nova Krepusko was the winner. Long live Swedish Empire!


I R DONBOSCO.

Aquilonian Interviews; Wood

Good day, this is the Informer.

In todays episode of Aquilonien Interviews im having a morningtime chat with Wood. Wood is the founder of Exalted, a prominent and stubborn guild of old perverts and weirdoes. Wood is not a "celebrity", but many of longtime players know and respect him; a good and steady player, trusted leader and a hopeless drunkard.

Anyways, i aproached him in a morning time few days back, and here's the chat we had (unedited).


Hello Wood, this is the Informer. Do you have a moment for an interview? I'd like to hear your thoughts of life and games, specially age of conan?

[08:31:22] <+ Wood> Is there any students here
[08:31:28] <+ Wood> everyone's just hitching, skipping classes and lesson, avoiding responsibility
[08:31:34] <+ Wood> I don't, not my cuppa tee
[08:31:36] <+ Wood> dmnit, no-one online
[08:31:36] <+ Wood / e
[08:31:54] <+ Wood> well atleast i have my self to talk to, the best of intellect
[08:33:07] <+ Wood> FunCom Chat, is the brilliant side to it that tolking to myself has been made quite simple
[08:33:35] <+ Wood> and AoC has brilliant multitasking for it to simplify my complex mind
[08:33:46] <+ Wood> I can open as many chat-windows
[08:33:53] <+ Wood> than the wishes of the personalities in oneself
[08:34:08] <+ Wood> I noticed sometimes i talk to 6 people, in myself, the greatest six intellects on planet
[08:34:22] <+ Wood> course, it impedes the similarity of names, so it can be confusing
[08:34:40] <+ Wood> but steel have to be yes, it kept track of, i mean, when i really concentrate i can keep track of it all, the debates between us six

[08:35:44] <+ Wood> maybe it's time to go, when you discuss any issues which you know there will always be the same mental guy and he knows the subject, sees something, everything is different but everytime the same
[08:36:41] <+ Wood> but there is also edangerous dispute situations, especially when you dont anymore remember what you were discussing about
[08:38:52] <+ Wood> perhaps
[08:38:53] <+ Wood ...
[08:39:08] <+ Wood> but I find myself totally superior being
[08:39:13] <+ Wood> theres always one of those moments
[08:39:14] <+ Wood ...
[08:39:22] <+ Wood> Wood is God scene's
[08:39:25] <+ Wood> like now
[08:39:30] <+ Wood> God, I am

[08:39:43] <+ Wood> I do not really know where it is due to
[08:39:48] <+ Wood> perhaps
[08:39:54] <+ Wood> ..
[08:39:55] <+ Wood> ..
[08:40:00] <+ Wood> does it compute?
[08:40:02] <+ Wood>??
[08:40:06] <+ Wood> does everything compute?
[08:40:18] <+ Wood> a question which my friend asked me once
[08:40:49] <+ Wood> after pondering on it for a while, this word content and the idea, and the truths it contains a beautiful inside outside exterior, below underlining my truth,,,
[08:40:50] <+ Wood>,,,
[08:40:52] <+ Wood> noticed
[08:41:08] <+ Wood> that everything matches
[08:41:27] <+ Wood> everything that comes to me, or will happen to me or to my friends
[08:41:36] <+ Wood> seems to match very well
[08:41:40] <+ Wood> everything computes
[08:41:55] <+ Wood> as if all the facts and events would be tested before they occur
[08:42:07] <+ Wood> seems that everything happens a certain formula
[08:42:24] <+ Wood> as if my life would be "calculated" in advance
[08:42:29] <+ Wood> and then just live it
[08:42:51] <+ Wood> everything is in one way or another
[08:43:17] <+ Wood> I wish to believe that my life is already pre-programmed
[08:43:44] <+ Informer>:)
[08:43:46] <+ Wood> and for example: "FunCom" could have a institution for the purpose of controlling your thoughts, studies and other intellectual properties of being

properties
[08:43:56] <+ Informer> fuck your confused, eating mushrooms again? magic ones?
[08:44:05] <+ Informer> Your one badass Satan wonder creep, truly
[08:44:07] <+ Wood> but we can fix everything, so that pieces fit a mold
[08:44:19] <+ Wood>, but a good Informer
[08:44:26] <+ Wood> watch for your environment
[08:44:32] <+ Informer> yeah
[08:44:35] <+ Informer> What about my environment?
[08:44:59] <+ Wood> perhaps sit still some night and mornings in fron of your PC, you will notice something distortions can be found around
[08:45:22] <+ Wood> Coffee cup has moved itself 20 cm left from computer monitor's right side
[08:45:40] <+ Wood> or open web pages to strange and glorious content, secret passage ways of FunCom to God
[08:45:46] <+ Wood> or my self, windows to places
[08:45:47] <+ Wood ...
[08:46:06] <+ Wood> us (at least part of us) is being monitored and guided by FunCom, in all our life.. full life, half-life
[08:46:22] <+ Wood> no "life" should be so well, to go so well, it is planned
[08:46:26] <+ Wood> all fits
[08:46:31] <+ Wood> 100% fits, everything
[08:46:37] <+ Wood> I am fully compatible
[08:46:43] <+ Wood> I am plugnadplay
[08:46:50] <+ Wood> I am Windows
[08:46:57] <+ Wood> I am Age of Conan

[08:46:59] <+ Wood ...
[08:47:00] <+ Wood ...
[08:47:02] <+ Wood>: (
[08:47:08] <+ Wood> I
[08:47:09] <+ Wood>..am
[08:47:27] <+ Wood> God

[08:47:30] <+ Wood> No!
[08:47:30] <+ Informer> Wood what, you okey mate?
[08:47:46] <+ Wood> I dont want to have this life
[08:47:51] <+ Wood> computers and games
[08:47:54] <+ Wood> much computers, too much stuff confusing me
[08:48:06] <+ Wood> this is not what we really would like to create ourselves into, to be
[08:48:19] <+ Wood> this is what I want to do still, this is who I am

[08:48:35] <+ Informer> Wood, great interview :)
[08:48:42] <+ Wood> i had a point, really bare with me.. again someones cutting pieces of me, taking out parts that dont fit, molded by FunCom conspiracy to

fit all life better, to be more compatible.
[08:48:49] <+ Informer> You've lost your marbles, seriously :)
[08:48:53] <+ Wood> and everything is once again unchanged, for the changes are too sudle to notice; changed, and unchanged, molded but the same
[08:49:02] <+ Wood> I am sane, im on a raid, i fit everything
[08:49:05] <+ Wood> or i really think so, am I?
[08:49:06] <+ Wood> ..
[08:49:24] <+ Wood> or.. is it bad when you suspect your own mental health, is it?
[08:51:19] <+ Informer> did you remember to have your morning spliff?

[08:49:34] * + Wood away a while ---> spliff break

Aquilonia; Council of Empires?

Good day, this is the Informer.


Empire, Alliance and the rest of the server have been having a rather intriguing and flowing conversation about the state and future of the Dueling Arena (Khesh). Ah, Dueling Arena, the one place to go to get legit pvp-xp-farm, going on day and night. The joys of fight-clubbing, agreed matches and having nothing but conqs, demos and bearshamans in line to fight. What great fun!

Sorrowfull Sinned started the conversation, and it has taken rather amuzing and unsuspected turns in its lifespan, even some heated discussion that would have been deleted under the rule of Grand Saddam Tahitoa. The original idea that Sinned suggests is to have dueling arena strictly in-character and full roleplay.
Nice idea, but a few problems: If you roleplay and kill someone, isn't it kinda odd that that someone just reborns and comes back? (maybe everyone has infite number of identical twins?). Kheshatta in Hyborian lore is a secret place strictly allowed to stygians only (well, maybe you can roll-playah around this). And finally; why the hell would a serious RP character want to fight random people in the middle of a desert? What's the motive? I wanna be a gladiator?

Not getting deeper into that one, but lets concentrate on the discussion instead. Following points of interest have been raised up in the thread:
1. Egonauts have KOSed BotGC from dueling-arena, saying "Empire has KOS'd BotGC on duel-arena" (hearing that g(r)eek pride clinging there)
2. Rest of the Empire said "no way, you stupid shitheads. leave them be."
3. Dranoth stated that he'd like to sing duets in the dueling grounds, dressed up as Robin Hood with very tight tights.
4. Domroe wants to have more "rp'ing" in taverns and cyber with dd-gals, because he cant go into a bar in real-life and cant afford a whore or a trip to Thailand.
5. Tdekker and Sinned want to move dueling arena to border kingdoms. A lot of people support this. Some dont. SCUM doesnt seem to care, but it's evident from couple of posts that they are taking great intrest into this matter.
6. Naeemah is being the usual fat emo-bitch she is. Hopefully she forgets to take her happy pills some day and we never see her whining emo-posts again.
7. Guvadan plays smarter again then he is, destined to fail and oh boy he does get slapped by Naeemah The Fat Emo of Aquilonia.
8. Lots of memorabilia of the Dueling Arena; who started it (SCUM), who and why was banned etc drama.
9. Lots of guilds accuse Empire of using dueling arena as "safe haven" and base of attacks to other parts of oasis.
10. Tdekker and Sinned want to start a "council" to govern dueling arena. So... is it like a Jedi Council? Who is Palpatine, Gengar? I reserve the role of JarJar!

Now what can we sum this all up to be? Hard to tell yet. Sinned has also given start to another thread, were he tries to organize a rp-hub to borderkingdoms (cimmerian end), possibly centering into one of the BattleKeeps in the area. And quite surprisingly, Empire has taken an interest. We'll see how it goes; the ideal picture i see scetching in the background is to have a dueling arena that is RolePlayed, fully IC, with a rp-hub built around it (people rp'ing and selling stuff, doing random things). Nice initiative, now lets see it happening.

SOURCE
SOURCE2

Tsuniko Alert Level Orange

Good day, this is the Informer.

Tsuniko alert level has been raised to Orange. The mistress of all forum knowledge, bestest strategies for all classes, the Pope of Bullshit has been seen both online in game and in the forums! Tsuni was missing in action for some time, but now this enemy of all rational knowledge is back.

Tsuniko is known to affect fellow players with dangerous symptoms if they have been exposed to her presence for too long; symptoms vary from slitting your wrists and smashing your keyboard to physical symptoms like violent vomiting and brain-squashing headache.

Beware, Informer over and Out!

Concerned About Comments?

Good day, this is the Informer.

There's been concerned comments here, on the Informer, made by you the readers. Few comments especially from Anonymous Nesher and Anonymous -M have raised questions and voices of concern about the quality of the Informer.
In general public seems to be worried that Anonymous Nesher and Anonymous -M will raise the quality of the Informer by providing valuable and intelligent discussion, thus raising the fun and information factors of the Informer and by doing so destroying the original "baaaaad"-factor Informer has become known of.

Don't be alarmed. Informer will be and will stay very highest possible low quality publish of Aquilonian Community! I will leave the comments up to you; uncensored, unedited and unmarked! If you are looking an open discussion arena with moderation ---> unofficial AOC forums that way!

Informer reminds you; reading comments on the Blog is voluntary. Except for "them" who have it as a mandatory assignment by the god of Internet.

Informer - As Shitty As It's Readers Since 2009.

I R DONBOSCO

Good day, this is the Informer.

We have a celebrity playing on Aquilonia. Donbosco has been uncovered; in real life he is the Baboon from the hit series "Cow and Chicken" where him and Weasel have a sideshow called "I am weasel". Donbosco playes himself as the I R BABOON.

Informer ganked Donbosco late last night, and was promtly followed by a /tell "WHAT R U DOING? I R DONBOSCO, U KOSSED NOW!!"
At first it didn't ring any bells, but then I checked TV as my kids were making noise enough to silence the zergs, and then I saw it ... him, on Cow and Chicken!

After a few /tells he admited it, and said he saw AoC played on Big Bang Theory on their studios, and checked the game out and liked it. We had a nice chat, Baboon is liking the game but is a bit frustrated of being killed all the time, it's taking a heavy toll on his Baboon pride. I reminded that "hey, it's just a game" and wished him good luck with his tv-show and career

SOURCE (classic episode with Donbosco and weasel)

Phoenix is on the Rise

Good day, this is the Informer.


A gigantic Penis took over Kheshatta late last night. With a closer inspection, it was found out that Anal Arigold had gotten carried away with Robzor, and accidentally unleashed the full might of his pole.
Situation escalated into panic when Robzors anus tore up, and Arigold sliced him in half with his godlike Pole of Lust. He then started to run around in panic, as he couldn't get it down. The gigantic Penis was seen jumping all around; from City to Oasis and from ER to DM-camps.

Luckily Jolly Jypae and Angry Asmodaan were about, saw the situation and hurried to help. With a good hour or so of heavy petting, massaging and two-hand-jobbing the situation resolved with a massive orgasm, filling Oasis with sperm and drowning the Phoenix Zerg.

Phoenix Zerg has been putting up some good fights the past few nights, and I think it's now time for the first battle analysis of their tactics.

Phoenix relies on standing still at oasis-road as their main strat. There they have other people killing them, and they run back from resspad to be killed. Im suspecting that for every dead non-Phoenix there is about 20-25 dead phoenix members. Informer has also gotten news, that Phoenix uses this same strategy on siege-battles too. So an overall k/d ratio of 1/25 for a whole zerg.. it's a new record!
With this tactic, they are now officially the most retarted zerg ever and are awarded the "best pvp-xp milking cow of 2009", replacing the former champion, Empire.

With the rise of Phoenix Zerg SCUM and Empire have been fading from Kheshatta, and the two ruling zergs can be declared to be Phoenix and Alliance (well, Sanguis Attexo and Band).

All in all Kheshatta-pvp is very boring for everyone not in these big coalitions or guilds. What the hell do you do there, in khesh-pvp, if you are not part of them? If you take part to zerg^4 fights as an outsider, you end up kossed by everyone in less than 5 minutes. If you dont and try to pvp "somewhere else", then pffffft there goes your pvp-fun for the rest of the game.

Informer recommends everyone to join the Zerg for maximized fun.

Informer Is a Fat Retard.

Good day, this is the Informer.

I have a confession to make. I am a fat, slow and immensly stupid, smelly and hairy little fucktard for a human being. I ashamed. I am appalled of my self. I let SCUM to sniff the valuable flow of Aquilonian gossip before I got there.

The News! Tahitoa is --> Amorey is --> a whiny little mouse in Aquilonia Server who moved to pve but still holds few chars on Aquilonia.
Thank you Meos for waking me up from my bad dreams and lust for delicate joys of summer and beer; thank you for reminding me that THIS IS THE THING I LIVE FOR; INTERNETS GOZZIPS!!

Grand-Ultra-Nazi, the mistress of the shadows, the supreme supernova of all forum trolling, the ever vigilante flower of justice and hate; THE EVERLASTING JUDGE FORUM, the One and Only Tahitoa has packed up her stuff and moved on. She writes on her blog about some silly personal life problems (Tahi, take a note; we (as in me) the internet super-heroes and villains *have absolutely no life*, so you *loose* automaticly, hah!) and other irrelevant stuff. The three yeard long tyranny has come to an end.
Some rejoice, some are sorrowfull. Most likely nothing will change. But there is also a chance that we will get something other ... something a bit moore "free speechy" to our lovely official forums!

Tahitoa, good riddence. Maybe we can now have a moderator with a brain, instead of a sporadic reflex to hit the ban button irradicly at random comments.

FunCom has already announced a "wanted" advertisement on the forums for the position of "New SuperUltra Hiltlermaster Satan666^thousand-MasterEvil" a.k.a. forum moderator. Will it be me, or you? Time will tell.

Thanks again to Meos, I really would have missed this w/o your kind notice, so keep them coming you lifeless fuckface! On the other hand, this could be a HOAX but in any case.. what the hell, the blog is already full of shit so this will fit in just nicely!

SOURCE
SOURCE-2
SOURCE-3

Huns lost pants down

Game of the future; is FC listening?

Good day, this is the Informer.

It's all about the grind, du du dumdum di dum. It's all about the grind di di dum dum di di dum. If you dont grind, your dumdum-du-du-dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.

As the 1.05 patch stays stalled at test server, people are getting more and more anxious and are venting their frustrations to the forums by making suggestions after another.

So is any of these any good? Yes a minority of them are acceptable but generally most suggestions are simply stupid and show very little reasoning behind them except the usual "im playing class A give me shit!".

As stated, some pearls of suggestions have emerged; a suggestion to RP servers to diminish or take off completely pvp-xp from leveling zones and leave it as it is to pvp-areas, minigames and sieges (and maybe boost it at pvp-zones a.k.a. border kingdoms). 

Another good discussion is going on about "orange items", the "super-epics"; Legendary Items. 

Special note and thanks to that lovely person who suggested "random raid boss spawn to pvp-zones, with epic loot", and got a confirmation from Didek saying "thats been thought of, and might be coming in the near future".

Just imagining our lovely little ganker-heaven with such deployment of pvp-xp that would force pvp-grinding to pvp-zones, ultra epic items making their way into the game. Raid-bosses appearing in pvp-areas, propably in the middle of 4-way zerg... ah, that would indeed make the game hell of a lot more exiting!

Informer stays alert, waiting for the outcome of HUN vs. Alliance (Band).

Huns Siege, Arigold Poles!

Good day, this is the Informer.

HUN steroid empire is attacking BotGC this weekend. Empire and Alliance seem to be the only alliances that are even semi-active to do sieges and wage wars outside kheshatta; SCUM and Phoenix seem to settle for Kheshatta-Gank to fill their lust for blood.

On an interesting side note, Motherkali has send a letter to Informer to explain what happened between him and Robzor. Basicly, the longer they were together the more clearer it became to Motherkali that Robzor needed something more, something different Motherkali could not offer.

Robzor needed a dick in his ass. And not a small one, so the fingering tactics Motherkali used were uneffective. So, when the opportunity presented itself Robzor took advantage and set up secret ties to another prominent SCUMling; He found Anal Arigold to bang himself with a gigantic tempest-pole that he has.

Arigolds sparkling pole has been entering Robzors anal district many many times in the past week or so, confirming Motherkalis letter to the word.

So now, Robzor and Arigold, I am truly sorry but you are now out of the closet. Be proud! There's no shame in wanting someone's gigantic pole, and it doesnt make you gay to put your pole up someones ass. It really doesnt!

But it really does if you like it as much as you guys.

Robzor and Arigold, for you.

Up Close and Personal: Curena!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Here begins our first up-close and personal special! With these specials, I intend to concentrate on interesting handicapped people our server has; the distinguished village idiots of Hyboria.

On our first interview Informer interviewed Curena, the prominent and busty battle-healer of Band of the Gray Clover. Curena has gained fame and weight on the game by extensive battling on the sands of Kheshatta, and though being a bit of an easy kill she usually manages to put up a fight before the inevitable spanking.

As said, this is going to be an interview based story, but to sum it up I have come to a conclusion that Curena is not an RP-player, and should move to Fury.


The Interview:

Informer: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
Curena: Aight.
Informer: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
Curena: I slip out of my pants, just for you, Informer.
Informer: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Curena: Oh, I like to play dress up.
Informer: Me too baby.
Curena: I kiss you softly on your chest.
Informer: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
Curena: Hey...
Informer: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
Curena: Funny I still don't see it.
Informer: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
Curena: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
Informer: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
Informer: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
Curena: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
Informer: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
Informer: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
Informer: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
Informer: Baby?
-------------------
Informer: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
Curena: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
Informer: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
Curena: haha, ok lets go.
Curena: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
Informer: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
Curena: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
Curena: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
Informer: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
Curena: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
Informer: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
Curena: stop, cmon be serious.
Informer: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
Informer: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
Curena: thats it.
Informer: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
Informer: Goddam am I hard now.
--------------
Curena: Ok, are you ready?
Informer: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
Curena: I like your blog Em... Tee hee.
Informer: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
Curena: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
Curena: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
Informer: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Curena: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
Informer: Oh ****
Curena: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.


Stay tuned on the Informer, interview part 2 is published next Friday!

BLOOD; Animal Liberation Front of Hyboria?

Good day, this is the Informer.

BLOOD has released an announcement of their new politics.

"We, BLOOD guild of Aquilonia, are starting a new campaign to better the animal rights of Hyboria. Every where we go, there is needles slaying of our kin; wolves, rabbits, snails, fish, tigers... the animals of Hyboria are suffering!

From this day forth, every true BLOOD member will leave the "civilised" ways of humans and follow their animalistic nature! We embrace nature, we breed with nature, we are one with nature! We marry trees and squirrels, we befriend bears and ducks and wolves, we mate with trouts and lynxes in the wild! We fight an everlasting war against anyone who attacks our lovely Mother Hyboria or any of her creations!

This will change few things; 1st we emphasize every guild member to loose their gear, and present themselves nude. Also give up any unnatural weapons; we will kill with sticks and stones.

Nature will prevail!

Animal Mother Koala of BLOOD"

I'm a bit baffled with this letter. Good luck with your chosen path, but guys... this is a game, you do know that those animals are just bits, 0's and 1's?

Good day, this is the Informer.

Theme song for today.

Robzor is a badger, badger, badger. Winje is a badger, badger, badger, badger. Kazim is a badger, bagder, badger. Everything badger, badger, badger, badger, badger.

Tsuniko mushroom!


Mushroom!


Cogne is a badger, badger, badger. Aaliya is a badger, badger, badger, badger. Rurik is a badger, bagder, badger. Everything badger, badger, badger, badger, badger.

Yondame mushroom! Mushroom!

Arigold SNAAAAAIL, SNAAAAAAAIL. SNAAAAAIL.

War report: Hate is what brings us together?

Good day, this is the Informer.


Past two nights have been hectic on all battle fronts of kheshatta! Phoenix, SCUM, Empire and Alliance have been amassing and fighting over the control of road, city and oasis like mad labrats that have been fed hormones and Robzors urin.

It's hard to tell who is winning, but the sides that are loosing are clear; Empire and SCUM. It seems these two old Giants have managed to amass rather impressive amounts of hate towards themselves, and the current situation is now biting their asses.
Both Phoenix and Alliance have introduced impressive Zergs to the field, while Empire and SCUM seem to be diminishing to roadside ganker squads, that try to hunt the "left overs" and "guard-agro runners" of these two mega-zergs.

But this is the situation only on night and evening times; on the daytime tables turn and take a more even composition. SCUM has managed to impress the Informer with daily ganker-squads patrolling Kheshatta from early morning (mid-day RL-time) hunting the smaller groups of BotGC and Empire. Gheos the Ganker seems to be the tracking captain, with wingmans Anal Arigold taking care of nuking and healing while Wolflike Winje takes the hardest hits. Cogne the Camping Barbarian has been seen running to the hills after getting scared of the big, bad BLOOD.

Band is the close second on this daytime game, boasting the wildernes with quite impressive groups of warriors. Revengfull Rsam nuking everything on his path, followed by Camping Curena and Jolly Jypae on the tracking manuals. Annoying Asmodaan and random barbarians have also been nominated the "loyal daytime asshole" awards by the Informer for outstanding ganking in the day-shift.

Empire seems to rely on Jelly Jedmaus daggers, Robzor and Erdis Exploits to fill the daytime hours of Hyboria with blood on spatter. Nice work, but you are laking menpower and gore to really compete with Band or SCUM. Put it up a notch, will you?

LINK

Good day, and happy camping,
Loving regards,
Informer.

Character Transfers; Yey or Nay?

Good day, this is the Informer.

FunCom is getting closer to publish long waited option for payed character transfer between servers. There is a lot of discussion on the forums about it, either shouting opinions for or against, and also suggestions for the most ideal system.

There alsorts of fuss and suggestions about cooldowns and from what server you would be able to transfer to what etc. And how is the RP-ruleset going to aply in these transfers? A lot of people on Aquilonia are afraid, that there will be a mass imigration of crappy pvp'ers from Fury to our lovely haven of piece.
We have already witnessed the first stages of "lollernoob"-flight. Im comparing this phenomena to other wellknown and documented mass moving and imigration; the white flight thats happening in industrial countries around the world.
So, as stated, the first stage of the lollernoob-flight is now imminent and going on. We have a lot of immigrants from Fury that either 1. transferred their chars months back or 2. have grinded new toons on Aquilonia. Now they are telling their friends about our lovely server, the free kills, fast exp, uncrowded leveling areas and thus are creating a hype phenomena to invite more players from Fury.

The next stage starts with another wave of new incomers, that leads to an uproar on the original community. This upraising is going to be futile, and as a way out the old community starts to pack their stuff and move elsewhere, most propably to pve and pve-rp servers. This stage of the flight will propably be "launched" if the server-change option comes available between fury and Aquilonia.

The third stage is the final one; Aquilonia has become the new Fury, with lollernoobs whacking eachother sensless, and leaving the crappy players to start finding new servers and building prospering communities. Cycle begins all over again.

So listen to me little shit-tards! We need the RP-ruleset, the naming ruleset and common sense enforced NOW and not later! If FC wants Aquilonia to stay as an serious RP-server, and not just "mini-fury", they should start acting pretty damn fast or the game is over, lost and done for for the RP'rs.

Informer recommends anyoe who is interested about the situation to send hate-mails to FunCom. Snail-mail works best, and I do mean literaly to put some snails to your letters going to FC. With luck, those snails will develop fatal bacteria while rotting through the postal system, and will infect FC workforce leading to mass death. Thus we'd actually have a chance to get some skilled people hired instead ot the people working there now.

SOURCE
SOURCE2 (page two for Taribs comments)(**apologies for confusing Devs)

No news from the western front

Good day, this is the Informer.

Small news vol. 13. Individual short stories and glimpses to Aquilonias everyday life, compiled together.

Aquilonia has been a quiet little server for the past few days, with the exception of Phoenix suffling some long waited pvp-action to Kheshatta. New trenches of war have been dug, some slobby bear-penises waved in the air and trumpets played; Alliance is now fully at war with phoenix, and everyone is at war with empire and SCUM.
Excellent news, and a big "I told you so" from me, the Informer. I guessed things to progress into this direction months back, luckily it seems I was right! Hopefully the situation of everyone being at war with everyone continues!

Empire has started to worry about peace and prosperity of pvp-xp in duel arena. They've been threatening everyone with violence if they harras duel-arena. These threats have been quikly shrugged off ass empire is the one who misuses duelarena the most: for them it's a safe haven to launch attacks, they interrupt duels and organize resspad gangbangs when they have "fairly dueled" eachother for the days quota. Empire, this is for you. Please play it when feeling so full of teenager angst that you just cant even breath instead of acting like complete shitheads.

Argonauts have started to rp. The whole server follows the "situation" with fear.

Nova Krepusko is still in the Giraffe pits.

Sabbath (from the Black Sabbath) has started to learn pvp. Good news for barbarians, as they now have and advocate with working computer (he was offline for months due to computer problems) who is actually playing AoC.
Huge thumbs up by the Informer, it's good to have an advocate that actually plays the game instead of one that doesnt even have a working PC!

RP-activity seems also to be on the rise. Dranoth keeps stubbornly organizing rp-events at Tesso Nightclub, Kaizens Order of Steel keeps growing and luckily everyone has agreed to bury the "server police by rp" idea. Also new rp-clubs and guilds have been popping up like gankers guilds after the merge, so things are looking promising!
Sadly we still mostly have RP only on hub-areas, and tavernas. Makes me sad to think, that drunken nerds are roleplaying with virtual toons in a bar at summer, instead of actually going to a bar. Real-Life. Bar.
Them bars they are really real, i've seen it! They have beer also, and you can drink it untill every lady looks pretty! Drink enough, and even your vacuum cleaner starts to look atractive!
I strongly recommend lifting your fat ass of that goddamn chair, fold your dick back to your pants, put a shirt on and get a little taste of life. It's summer, you have deserved it.

New patches have hit the testlive servers. Biggest changes include some modifications to raiding (still shit after them btw.), few class balances, new giant pet to necros and a heal ability for barbarians.
All I have to say about 1.05 at the moment; FunCom, you lazy sons of bitches, get it done!!

Informer Over and Out.

SA, BotGC declared war on Phoenix Alliance

Good day, this is the Informer.


This one didn't take too long; As soon as Phoenix announced their existence Sanguis Attexo declared war against them and was quickly followed by Band of the Gray Clover.

Finaly some action, great decision on all parties involved. Now, I want to see some destruction!

Now all we need is an official announcement of who the fuck Phoenix actually is and consists of.

Informer stays alerts and watches over the situation!

Welcome Newborn; Phoenix!

Good day, this is the Informer.

We seem to have a new kid on the block; Phoenix. Or wazzit Phanx or something... Phunx? This new alliance is made of butter and chees... no, I mean few Italian guilds such as Dracones Nigri and Cavalieri Del Destino, and few randoms like White Castle. So there you have it, Black Dragons with Destinys Cavaliers, living in a White Castle and randoms.

Good luck to Phonebook. Phalax. Phoenix.

What evah.

I hope you the very best, and it will be interesting to see how this new click sets in.

Empire; Undisputed Siege Champion!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Alliance gathered forces last night to attack Anabolican Steroid Empire (HUN's) keep, and failed. SCUM has tried the same with weekly attacks to HUN's or Argonauts keep, and failed. Infact, no-one has taken an Empire Battle-Keep by force in months! In addition, Empire has managed to win several sieges against others, for example SA lost a siege against them few weeks back even though they had large amount of help from Alliance.

In this aspect Empire is ruling over the end-game pvp-charts, with no equal match in sight. It must feel good to have rest of the server sucking your balls, aah, it feels so goood so goooood please lick a bit down down aaah down yes. Suck my balls. Chocklate Salted Balls, lick them, my balls!

LICK MY ASS, FOR MY NAME IS EMPIRE!

I forsee that in the very near future, if empires "overpower" stays on this level, no-one bothers to attack or defend against you. Just like a minigame, were you see that "oh shit, it's a goddamn premade, im leaving --->" phenomenon.

EMPIRE

Congratulations Empire; Aquilonian Siege Champions!

Lektor is Leaving

Good day, this is the Informer.

Lektor, servers beloved village idiot who has gives face to every internet retard having trouble with written English, has announced his departure with Age of Conan.
Lektor left after being back for a month. Making up your mind can be pretty hard at times. Somehow I have a feeling that Lektor will be back in some form, possibly as an tier-3 raid-boss.

Informer will miss your forum trolling, you were one of the best. I also miss your petite butt, for it was truly astonishingly tight one to stuff my "swoard" into.

SOURCE

Aquilonia Beware! RP'ers are about...

Good day, this is the Informer.

Roleplayers are forming their own police corps to patrol various areas of Hyboria. Apparently they have had it with our ganking ways, and are trying to put the RP back to (RP-)PVP. Rest of the server goes lolling by when a knight from Kaizens mighty army jumps a "ganker", then stops to type. 

While typing his RP /say "Greetings you lowlife scumbag, I am from the Hyborian Police Department, put your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care", the target barbarian/ranger has either ran off or nuked him to death.

99% of Aquilonian Gankers acclaim to be role-playing a deranged serialkillers. I think it would be a good idea to put up a "Aquilonian Nightmares Department" for them. From TV we've all seen that serial killers like Dexter have pretty nasty nightmares from time to time. And these nightmares are so real they affect serial killers life in very material and real ways. 

So to address the gank-problem, I suggest to form nightmare groups instead of police.

When a nightmare squad member sees someone asking for help on /global, "goddamn Netko is ganking low-levels in Noble", the Nightmare Squad would start to take actions. At first, everyone in the squad sends rp-styled /tells to target; "Im in your dream eating your panties" "Im in your dreams showing you Robzors panties" "Im in your dreams cutting your niples with a tincan".

After sending these tells, the nightmare squad tracks down their target, and ganks him until he logs off, spamming say with with "nightmare" messages; "This is just a dream", "Im in your dreams fataliting your head off", "Im your nightmare, we have no ketchup", "I scream, You scream, Ice-cream!"

So, we would have our ganker-serialkillers and they'd have their serialkiller rp-nightmares, provided by the community.

Informer over and out.

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Aquilonia Haxxx

Good day, this is the Informer.

In the passing two weeks or so I have witnessed a great deal of blatant cheating on our server. Im not this time talking about nekkid-rp or other lame fightclubbing, I'm referring to the usage of thirdparty programs such as AoC-godmode, speedhack and radarhack.

AoC godmode is a utility that lets you use a multitude of cheats to "better" your gaming experience, sort of an utility with many functions in one. Radar cheat lets you see every mobile game target on your minimap. Speedhack is self explanatory; you increase your speed and/or can "bunnyhop" between locations so that it is impossible to hit you and you can circle your enemies to death. The trick with these programs? They are nearly impossible to check from the serverside. These aplications are invisible to servers.

To get caught you need to have a gm observing a player. FunCom doesn't even take videos as proof (because they can be edited). With the current response times from GM's it's nearly impossible to get caught.

I'm pretty baffled about this; hackers were around like good six months ago, but then they seemed to disappear. Now it seems we have them back, and to my observations I've seen many familiar fucktards using them; mainly few players from Celestial, HUN's and Acolytes of the Shadows. Unluckily I did not have my fraps available, so no evidence was recorded (cant really screenshot this), but now it's all good to go and im just waiting more encounters!

Also a friend gave me a /tell about some Royal Elite Killers and BLOOD members "hopping around the world", so this seems like a "server wide" problem again, as it was before.

If you manage to take videos, Aquilonian Informers comment sections is always a good place to post them; if they are good they might even make the headlines!

Dodox, the tale of a fine warrior.

Good day, this is the Informer.

Today, Dodox appeared. A pvp-lvl 5 HoX from the Anabolian Hun Steroid-Empire. 3000 or so deaths, 10000 kills. 

No-one has ever heard from you, no one has ever seen you pvp. Congratulations for very successful nekkid RP!

Or, apparently it's also possible that you have farmed BotGC members like Asmodaan, Johan and Curena as they seem to be loosing pants-down. Nice one Band, you have a HUN against you that has sat above a tent for his levels, and then "rp'd" his pvp-exp... and you manage to loose. Another top claim of Epic Fails for Band!

Informer is signing out for tonight.

Return of the Swedes!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Sweeeeeeeds are back. SWE-DIIES ARE BACK! Oh good god the SWEDES! They are BACK!! Like phoenix bird Nova Krepusko seems to be on the rise again after loosing half of their players to SCUM (the un-official swedish guild) and the other half to Giraffe Death Pits.

Aquilonian server was swedish free for a long time, only with the most necrotic Nova Krepusko members roaming around stealing Alliance progress raids and battlekeeps. But now, for some weird reason they have massed up great numbers and are beginning to own Tortage Undehalls with weekly raids.

Has AoC been on sale in sweden? What happened? Obviously you didn't take note of my advice on Giraffe death-pits in madagascar 2 that seriously enough, though you should have.

It's a shame really, they are nice those death-pits.

In any case, it's nice to see them blond titties jumping up and down and up and down and up and down again and again. Really missed them boobies. 

Swedes came back from fishing, congratulations.

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Robzor sucked balls; "This is the End" says Motherkali

Good day, this is the Informer.

Robzor and Motherkali have broken up.

Robzor and Erdi were seen today sucking balls in Kheshatta. Peculiarly this time it wasn't eachothers balls that got sucked; it was the Kheshatta Guards. Motherkali was roaming the roadside and heard about it from ever so lovely Gheos, who happened to lurk in hide next to them.

"It's finished now, I dont ever want to see his red shorts anymore!" and "You and your damn Guards, I should have known... I should have guessed!" are some quotations that by-standers witnessed, as they saw the Great Mistress of the Night run over the hills, and far away.

Informer has no idea where Mother-fakafaka-kali ran of to. Erdi logged off straight away, stunned Robzor was repeatedly ganked by SCUM. And after they disappeared the Alliance came and gang-banged him more.
Robzor now has anus that can fit a refrigerator, or Jedmaus ego.

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Dracones Nigri has left the building!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Draconis Nigri has left the Alliance in the aftermath of last weekends confusions. Alliance seems to be a tad silenced about it; by the looks of it no-one actually gives a shit.

The situation seemed peaceful today between Nigris and Band, and some other Alliance guilds like SA. So, though "divorcing themselves" from the alliance they seem to have managed to do so without any outbursts of violence. It's a damn shame.

FC: "We have had it, make your own goddamn raid-content!"

Good day, this is the Informer.

Captain of the Royal Elite Nazi-fly's, Commandant of Self-Prominent Global Shine, Owner of Evil Aura, Ruler of jadadada jada daa daa bla bla bla blaa bla blaa, Game Master Superman Silirrion has made an announcement!

Silmarillion-man has invited us all, with our guilds, to join testing of the 1.05 patch raid instances and raid encounters. Sil obviously hasn't been playing a minute on testlive himself, or else he'd already know few gruesome facts; 1) raids are very, very hard on tl 2) they are infact near impossible. 

Now please do remember, that these are not new instances, they are the old t1 and t2. So no new raid content, rather FC's view of "new content" that is making old content extra hard.

Now Sil-the-Man-Rillion wants us all to participate in testing the impossible. He wants YOU to tell YOUR guildmaster, to sign YOUR WHOLE GUILD to test-live and DIE MANY, MANY TIMES. 

Totally pointless, the raids are broken, eat your cookies and go home. It's already known, FC can "dublicate it" by going there with some characters and die.

What they should and need to do is to fix the goddamn raids, as has been suggested on TL forums dozens of times. Make mobs hit less and have less HP, scale them to the same difficulty level as it is now on live. If FC wants to give us tougher challenges, make new content like Toth-Amons Tower and House of Crom. That's the solution, pure and simple.

This also means, that the patch 1.05 will be postponed even further. I doubt that FC feels suicidal enough to publish this sort of content, as more then 50% of active players are indeed veterans who mostly do raids.

Here's some testimonials of the current situation on testlive. Decide yourself, if you are willing to be part of Sil's little "suicide squad". I for sure would need a payment to do something that stupid, for free its out of question.

Logic behind Sil's request? I fear it must be something sinister. Possibly he is bored with tons of whining players, and this is his revenge!

one
two

Some quotes for the lazy people who dont want to follow links:
(talking about BRC t2 raids)

"Several wipes and 5 min fights against the mobgrps. Most casters went out of mana during the fights.
Excorant was really funy. We didn´t manage to kill a single gargoyle."

"- Black Ring Guards have absolutely crazy amounts of HP. Could they have been accidently buffed when normal guards were?
- BRC Wing 1/2 deaths send you to Kesh City instead of BRC Lobby (works with Wing 3)
- Gargoyle Master's room is black to varying levels depending on shaders (higher shader level = less black walls)
- Black Ring Gargoyles have absurd HP like the guards. Unless you have a lot of tanks it's basically impossible to beat the Gargoyle Master: By the time all the Gargoyle waves have spawned odds are you'll have taken down at most one gargoyle."

SCUM and BLOOD, match made in heaven?

Good day, this is the Informer.

SCUM seems to have abandoned their "one remaingin rule" from the "proud old days" and started to form naps and alliances! In evidence of this are the happenings of the past week or so in Kheshatta, the lovely war-resort of heat, blood and torn limbs!

For several days a good amount of SCUM members have been seen grouping, helping and power-leveling members from the BLOOD-guild in and out of Kheshatta. It's been especially reported that Gheos has taken a liking to a certain BLOOD barbarian and ranger, having loving petting sessions near Oasis Guards.

Especially lovely is the tactic of bringing one or two lvl 70-72 BLOOD members in a SCUM group to track down enemies and to give enemies murder points. Well done SCUM! You are taking exploiting and harrasing to yet another level level, where only Empire and you have gone so far.

SCUM has a history of being detested by majority of the Aquilonian community, and BLOOD has gathered some fame by ganking leveling instances such as Eiglophian Mountains and Aztels Aproach. God knows where and how these two have met, my guess is somewhere in the Hyborian deserts fighting over some abandoned carcasses.
If anyone has more information regarding the steps how SCUM and BLOOD got to be so close with eachother, please feel free to inform the Informer!

So now it seems these two "bastards of Aquilonia" have infact befriendid and allied; so much for "read is dead" SCUM? We can now safely tick that off from the "old-school" SCUM-rules, that was the last of them. You are now nothing but a pure gank-guild, no more, no less.

This seems to prove the point I made few weeks back; There will be only 3-4 massive alliances Zerging each other in few months, just wait and see. SCUM is no different, they cant hold ground on their own, so they ally with the "gankers" who are detested by rest of the server. They are the only ones they have been left to ally with, and this will be the third alliance.

Informer over and out.

Kings Seals

Good day, this is the Informer.

FunCom has released a new competition to compensate the lack of in-game content. For the obvious reasons, you wont even need to log in to game, you can just browse a few web-pages (with lots of adds to help FC funding) looking for some special "seals" and get mad prizes like lifetime accounts to AoC when you find enough.

Competition here.

First reports of players who have found all seals have been already reported, so it might be already too late to participate.

Informer would like to congratulate FunCom for the worst mmo-birthday celebrations ever. An ingame event where nothing happened except players ganking each other, and then "super-duper" event which doesn't even require you to log into the game.

Just in! ETA on patch 1.05

Good day, this is the Informer.

"It will be released when it's ready" translates to "we are not ready, we are badly behind schedule, please keep paying. We have no idea when it will be ready."

Informer over and out.

Demo Madness!

Good day, this is the Informer.

What's wrong with people playing demonologist class? Seriously, what the hell is wrong with the lot? Who was the goddamn stupid asshole who gave permission to breed this level of idiocy to mankind? WHY?

Some of you might remember how demos were "nerfed into oblivion" on TestLive with longer five minute cool down on Planar Shift. Destroyed the class, completely. What the hell; we still have a ton of health, massive amount of CC (i.e. instacast 17s root 20sec CD), the best dps with a massive margin (twice then the "next best" class on raids). Useless, we lost our immunity.. oh no didn't loose it, but its worth nothing when you cant use it EVERY MINUTE!!

Anyway, we were utterly made unplayable, and we all quit at that time. Everyone quit, yes precious, everyone quitta quitted yes yes yeees precious yeeeeess prrreesioouuusssshhhshshs!!

Now, FunCom has done it again. Blasphemy, oh the tragedy! THEY HAVE NERFED MIA STORM CHAINS!!! Only 10 second root, TOO LONG 20 SEC COOLDOWN!! AND ULTRA LONG 1.5SEC CASTINGTIME!! NOEEEHHHSS!!!

I QUIT NOW DEMO DESTOYERD"!!""!11

WE ARE UNPLAYABLE!!!!

GIMME FISH TO CHEW ON!!!!

Izzit War or Izzit Peace?

Good day, this is the Informer.

Never ending epic failure known as Band of the Gray Clover and the ever alert Dracones Nigri came close to an all out war this weekend, which would have devided the Alliance and possibly brought up some much needed life on our beloved server. Goddamn carebears, why did you stop it?!

Apparently someone killed someone who then killed someone. Then someone remembered that BotGC are retarted hillbilly Nazi Fucks, and Dracones Nigri comes from the africanese tribal languages meaning; "I Want To Eat Your Giant Black DingelyDong, Please." So they started flaming each other besides the usual killings; event escalated fast and was in a brink of a complete disaster.

Things calmed down when the drunken players passed out, and with very hangover heavy negotiations the situation has gotten back to normal; mostly in the dissapointment of both guilds members who would have enjoyed having wars and fightings instead of the ever so jolly Alliance campfires and kumbaya-songs.

Aquilonia continues to slumber in the three-way Zerg gang-bang.

Informer Addiction; Death and Riots!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Informer has been informed that there is a new addictive drug circling amongst Aquilonian players; The Informer. Several people have been addicted to it in the past few weeks, leading into dangerous situations when they haven't been able to get their daily doze. The situation got especially bad and caught the public eye this weekend, when the Informer started slacking and got too drunk to write.

Masses of Informer Addicts filled the streets of Hyboria, and even caused a short server maintenance when FunCom employees thought their servers were lagging. No, they werent, the players were lagging in desperate agony to feel the warmth of Informers reassuring news-tabloid. But the Informer was no-where to be seen.
The first riots broke out late in the Sunday evening, lasting till monday morning when most of the rioters started to have seizures.

The Informer Addiction follows the normal route of most drugs which is also called the gate theory.
At the first stage most victims have tried out Informer as recommended by their mates; the peer presure overcomes the health instructions and education and they take a sneek-peak to read a few articles.
In phase two baffled individuals start to come back to Informer by their own, and maybe even post a carefull comment or two. Smoothing sensation of the Informer Blog starts to addict the brain and nervous system, releasing dopamine and serotonine.
In phase tree addicted AoC player has to get his Informer fix multiple times per day, comment multiple times per blog posting and ultimately spam anonymous hate-tells or try to get Tahitoa to show her tits.

As for now, most Informer addicts have died a terrible death, so I, the Informer, am once again confident to continue Informing.

Aquilonia is very, very, very tired.

Good day, this is the Informer.

Aquilonia is one goddamn tired and boring place on daytimes. Someone, do something. The FunCom anniversiry event has proven to be just a mass gathering with people shooting fireworks and waiting for someone to start ganking.
I wished there would have been *something* to do there, or to atleast watch an special event or something, but this is just plain and stupid in every aspect. Nothing to do then sit around.

Hopefully one of the Zergs starts a massive battle, so we can all actually fight and have fun. This would be the time to do it, to have a three way zerg in Noble.. now that sounds fun, atleast it's different then the usual Kheshatta madnes!

Otherwise it's the usual.

On an ending note, I have heard rumours that Informer is biased to SCUM/Alliance/Empire. Please, try to understand: SCUM is a bunch of exploiting whores, Empire a swarm of exploiting cowards, Alliance full of useless hypocritical shitheads and the rest of the server doesn't even deserve to be mentioned.

In any case, Informer over and out.