Game of the future; is FC listening?

Good day, this is the Informer.

It's all about the grind, du du dumdum di dum. It's all about the grind di di dum dum di di dum. If you dont grind, your dumdum-du-du-dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.

As the 1.05 patch stays stalled at test server, people are getting more and more anxious and are venting their frustrations to the forums by making suggestions after another.

So is any of these any good? Yes a minority of them are acceptable but generally most suggestions are simply stupid and show very little reasoning behind them except the usual "im playing class A give me shit!".

As stated, some pearls of suggestions have emerged; a suggestion to RP servers to diminish or take off completely pvp-xp from leveling zones and leave it as it is to pvp-areas, minigames and sieges (and maybe boost it at pvp-zones a.k.a. border kingdoms). 

Another good discussion is going on about "orange items", the "super-epics"; Legendary Items. 

Special note and thanks to that lovely person who suggested "random raid boss spawn to pvp-zones, with epic loot", and got a confirmation from Didek saying "thats been thought of, and might be coming in the near future".

Just imagining our lovely little ganker-heaven with such deployment of pvp-xp that would force pvp-grinding to pvp-zones, ultra epic items making their way into the game. Raid-bosses appearing in pvp-areas, propably in the middle of 4-way zerg... ah, that would indeed make the game hell of a lot more exiting!

Informer stays alert, waiting for the outcome of HUN vs. Alliance (Band).

Huns Siege, Arigold Poles!

Good day, this is the Informer.

HUN steroid empire is attacking BotGC this weekend. Empire and Alliance seem to be the only alliances that are even semi-active to do sieges and wage wars outside kheshatta; SCUM and Phoenix seem to settle for Kheshatta-Gank to fill their lust for blood.

On an interesting side note, Motherkali has send a letter to Informer to explain what happened between him and Robzor. Basicly, the longer they were together the more clearer it became to Motherkali that Robzor needed something more, something different Motherkali could not offer.

Robzor needed a dick in his ass. And not a small one, so the fingering tactics Motherkali used were uneffective. So, when the opportunity presented itself Robzor took advantage and set up secret ties to another prominent SCUMling; He found Anal Arigold to bang himself with a gigantic tempest-pole that he has.

Arigolds sparkling pole has been entering Robzors anal district many many times in the past week or so, confirming Motherkalis letter to the word.

So now, Robzor and Arigold, I am truly sorry but you are now out of the closet. Be proud! There's no shame in wanting someone's gigantic pole, and it doesnt make you gay to put your pole up someones ass. It really doesnt!

But it really does if you like it as much as you guys.

Robzor and Arigold, for you.

Up Close and Personal: Curena!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Here begins our first up-close and personal special! With these specials, I intend to concentrate on interesting handicapped people our server has; the distinguished village idiots of Hyboria.

On our first interview Informer interviewed Curena, the prominent and busty battle-healer of Band of the Gray Clover. Curena has gained fame and weight on the game by extensive battling on the sands of Kheshatta, and though being a bit of an easy kill she usually manages to put up a fight before the inevitable spanking.

As said, this is going to be an interview based story, but to sum it up I have come to a conclusion that Curena is not an RP-player, and should move to Fury.


The Interview:

Informer: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
Curena: Aight.
Informer: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
Curena: I slip out of my pants, just for you, Informer.
Informer: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Curena: Oh, I like to play dress up.
Informer: Me too baby.
Curena: I kiss you softly on your chest.
Informer: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
Curena: Hey...
Informer: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
Curena: Funny I still don't see it.
Informer: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
Curena: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
Informer: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
Informer: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
Curena: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
Informer: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
Informer: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
Informer: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
Informer: Baby?
-------------------
Informer: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
Curena: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
Informer: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
Curena: haha, ok lets go.
Curena: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
Informer: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
Curena: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
Curena: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
Informer: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
Curena: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
Informer: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
Curena: stop, cmon be serious.
Informer: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
Informer: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
Curena: thats it.
Informer: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
Informer: Goddam am I hard now.
--------------
Curena: Ok, are you ready?
Informer: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
Curena: I like your blog Em... Tee hee.
Informer: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
Curena: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
Curena: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
Informer: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Curena: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
Informer: Oh ****
Curena: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.


Stay tuned on the Informer, interview part 2 is published next Friday!

BLOOD; Animal Liberation Front of Hyboria?

Good day, this is the Informer.

BLOOD has released an announcement of their new politics.

"We, BLOOD guild of Aquilonia, are starting a new campaign to better the animal rights of Hyboria. Every where we go, there is needles slaying of our kin; wolves, rabbits, snails, fish, tigers... the animals of Hyboria are suffering!

From this day forth, every true BLOOD member will leave the "civilised" ways of humans and follow their animalistic nature! We embrace nature, we breed with nature, we are one with nature! We marry trees and squirrels, we befriend bears and ducks and wolves, we mate with trouts and lynxes in the wild! We fight an everlasting war against anyone who attacks our lovely Mother Hyboria or any of her creations!

This will change few things; 1st we emphasize every guild member to loose their gear, and present themselves nude. Also give up any unnatural weapons; we will kill with sticks and stones.

Nature will prevail!

Animal Mother Koala of BLOOD"

I'm a bit baffled with this letter. Good luck with your chosen path, but guys... this is a game, you do know that those animals are just bits, 0's and 1's?

Good day, this is the Informer.

Theme song for today.

Robzor is a badger, badger, badger. Winje is a badger, badger, badger, badger. Kazim is a badger, bagder, badger. Everything badger, badger, badger, badger, badger.

Tsuniko mushroom!


Mushroom!


Cogne is a badger, badger, badger. Aaliya is a badger, badger, badger, badger. Rurik is a badger, bagder, badger. Everything badger, badger, badger, badger, badger.

Yondame mushroom! Mushroom!

Arigold SNAAAAAIL, SNAAAAAAAIL. SNAAAAAIL.

War report: Hate is what brings us together?

Good day, this is the Informer.


Past two nights have been hectic on all battle fronts of kheshatta! Phoenix, SCUM, Empire and Alliance have been amassing and fighting over the control of road, city and oasis like mad labrats that have been fed hormones and Robzors urin.

It's hard to tell who is winning, but the sides that are loosing are clear; Empire and SCUM. It seems these two old Giants have managed to amass rather impressive amounts of hate towards themselves, and the current situation is now biting their asses.
Both Phoenix and Alliance have introduced impressive Zergs to the field, while Empire and SCUM seem to be diminishing to roadside ganker squads, that try to hunt the "left overs" and "guard-agro runners" of these two mega-zergs.

But this is the situation only on night and evening times; on the daytime tables turn and take a more even composition. SCUM has managed to impress the Informer with daily ganker-squads patrolling Kheshatta from early morning (mid-day RL-time) hunting the smaller groups of BotGC and Empire. Gheos the Ganker seems to be the tracking captain, with wingmans Anal Arigold taking care of nuking and healing while Wolflike Winje takes the hardest hits. Cogne the Camping Barbarian has been seen running to the hills after getting scared of the big, bad BLOOD.

Band is the close second on this daytime game, boasting the wildernes with quite impressive groups of warriors. Revengfull Rsam nuking everything on his path, followed by Camping Curena and Jolly Jypae on the tracking manuals. Annoying Asmodaan and random barbarians have also been nominated the "loyal daytime asshole" awards by the Informer for outstanding ganking in the day-shift.

Empire seems to rely on Jelly Jedmaus daggers, Robzor and Erdis Exploits to fill the daytime hours of Hyboria with blood on spatter. Nice work, but you are laking menpower and gore to really compete with Band or SCUM. Put it up a notch, will you?

LINK

Good day, and happy camping,
Loving regards,
Informer.

Character Transfers; Yey or Nay?

Good day, this is the Informer.

FunCom is getting closer to publish long waited option for payed character transfer between servers. There is a lot of discussion on the forums about it, either shouting opinions for or against, and also suggestions for the most ideal system.

There alsorts of fuss and suggestions about cooldowns and from what server you would be able to transfer to what etc. And how is the RP-ruleset going to aply in these transfers? A lot of people on Aquilonia are afraid, that there will be a mass imigration of crappy pvp'ers from Fury to our lovely haven of piece.
We have already witnessed the first stages of "lollernoob"-flight. Im comparing this phenomena to other wellknown and documented mass moving and imigration; the white flight thats happening in industrial countries around the world.
So, as stated, the first stage of the lollernoob-flight is now imminent and going on. We have a lot of immigrants from Fury that either 1. transferred their chars months back or 2. have grinded new toons on Aquilonia. Now they are telling their friends about our lovely server, the free kills, fast exp, uncrowded leveling areas and thus are creating a hype phenomena to invite more players from Fury.

The next stage starts with another wave of new incomers, that leads to an uproar on the original community. This upraising is going to be futile, and as a way out the old community starts to pack their stuff and move elsewhere, most propably to pve and pve-rp servers. This stage of the flight will propably be "launched" if the server-change option comes available between fury and Aquilonia.

The third stage is the final one; Aquilonia has become the new Fury, with lollernoobs whacking eachother sensless, and leaving the crappy players to start finding new servers and building prospering communities. Cycle begins all over again.

So listen to me little shit-tards! We need the RP-ruleset, the naming ruleset and common sense enforced NOW and not later! If FC wants Aquilonia to stay as an serious RP-server, and not just "mini-fury", they should start acting pretty damn fast or the game is over, lost and done for for the RP'rs.

Informer recommends anyoe who is interested about the situation to send hate-mails to FunCom. Snail-mail works best, and I do mean literaly to put some snails to your letters going to FC. With luck, those snails will develop fatal bacteria while rotting through the postal system, and will infect FC workforce leading to mass death. Thus we'd actually have a chance to get some skilled people hired instead ot the people working there now.

SOURCE
SOURCE2 (page two for Taribs comments)(**apologies for confusing Devs)

No news from the western front

Good day, this is the Informer.

Small news vol. 13. Individual short stories and glimpses to Aquilonias everyday life, compiled together.

Aquilonia has been a quiet little server for the past few days, with the exception of Phoenix suffling some long waited pvp-action to Kheshatta. New trenches of war have been dug, some slobby bear-penises waved in the air and trumpets played; Alliance is now fully at war with phoenix, and everyone is at war with empire and SCUM.
Excellent news, and a big "I told you so" from me, the Informer. I guessed things to progress into this direction months back, luckily it seems I was right! Hopefully the situation of everyone being at war with everyone continues!

Empire has started to worry about peace and prosperity of pvp-xp in duel arena. They've been threatening everyone with violence if they harras duel-arena. These threats have been quikly shrugged off ass empire is the one who misuses duelarena the most: for them it's a safe haven to launch attacks, they interrupt duels and organize resspad gangbangs when they have "fairly dueled" eachother for the days quota. Empire, this is for you. Please play it when feeling so full of teenager angst that you just cant even breath instead of acting like complete shitheads.

Argonauts have started to rp. The whole server follows the "situation" with fear.

Nova Krepusko is still in the Giraffe pits.

Sabbath (from the Black Sabbath) has started to learn pvp. Good news for barbarians, as they now have and advocate with working computer (he was offline for months due to computer problems) who is actually playing AoC.
Huge thumbs up by the Informer, it's good to have an advocate that actually plays the game instead of one that doesnt even have a working PC!

RP-activity seems also to be on the rise. Dranoth keeps stubbornly organizing rp-events at Tesso Nightclub, Kaizens Order of Steel keeps growing and luckily everyone has agreed to bury the "server police by rp" idea. Also new rp-clubs and guilds have been popping up like gankers guilds after the merge, so things are looking promising!
Sadly we still mostly have RP only on hub-areas, and tavernas. Makes me sad to think, that drunken nerds are roleplaying with virtual toons in a bar at summer, instead of actually going to a bar. Real-Life. Bar.
Them bars they are really real, i've seen it! They have beer also, and you can drink it untill every lady looks pretty! Drink enough, and even your vacuum cleaner starts to look atractive!
I strongly recommend lifting your fat ass of that goddamn chair, fold your dick back to your pants, put a shirt on and get a little taste of life. It's summer, you have deserved it.

New patches have hit the testlive servers. Biggest changes include some modifications to raiding (still shit after them btw.), few class balances, new giant pet to necros and a heal ability for barbarians.
All I have to say about 1.05 at the moment; FunCom, you lazy sons of bitches, get it done!!

Informer Over and Out.

SA, BotGC declared war on Phoenix Alliance

Good day, this is the Informer.


This one didn't take too long; As soon as Phoenix announced their existence Sanguis Attexo declared war against them and was quickly followed by Band of the Gray Clover.

Finaly some action, great decision on all parties involved. Now, I want to see some destruction!

Now all we need is an official announcement of who the fuck Phoenix actually is and consists of.

Informer stays alerts and watches over the situation!

Welcome Newborn; Phoenix!

Good day, this is the Informer.

We seem to have a new kid on the block; Phoenix. Or wazzit Phanx or something... Phunx? This new alliance is made of butter and chees... no, I mean few Italian guilds such as Dracones Nigri and Cavalieri Del Destino, and few randoms like White Castle. So there you have it, Black Dragons with Destinys Cavaliers, living in a White Castle and randoms.

Good luck to Phonebook. Phalax. Phoenix.

What evah.

I hope you the very best, and it will be interesting to see how this new click sets in.