Up Close and Personal: Curena!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Here begins our first up-close and personal special! With these specials, I intend to concentrate on interesting handicapped people our server has; the distinguished village idiots of Hyboria.

On our first interview Informer interviewed Curena, the prominent and busty battle-healer of Band of the Gray Clover. Curena has gained fame and weight on the game by extensive battling on the sands of Kheshatta, and though being a bit of an easy kill she usually manages to put up a fight before the inevitable spanking.

As said, this is going to be an interview based story, but to sum it up I have come to a conclusion that Curena is not an RP-player, and should move to Fury.


The Interview:

Informer: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
Curena: Aight.
Informer: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
Curena: I slip out of my pants, just for you, Informer.
Informer: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Curena: Oh, I like to play dress up.
Informer: Me too baby.
Curena: I kiss you softly on your chest.
Informer: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
Curena: Hey...
Informer: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
Curena: Funny I still don't see it.
Informer: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
Curena: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
Informer: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
Informer: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
Curena: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
Informer: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
Informer: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
Informer: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
Informer: Baby?
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Informer: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
Curena: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
Informer: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
Curena: haha, ok lets go.
Curena: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
Informer: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
Curena: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
Curena: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
Informer: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
Curena: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
Informer: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
Curena: stop, cmon be serious.
Informer: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
Informer: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
Curena: thats it.
Informer: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
Informer: Goddam am I hard now.
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Curena: Ok, are you ready?
Informer: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
Curena: I like your blog Em... Tee hee.
Informer: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
Curena: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
Curena: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
Informer: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Curena: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
Informer: Oh ****
Curena: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.


Stay tuned on the Informer, interview part 2 is published next Friday!