Sunday, May 31, 2009

Empire; Undisputed Siege Champion!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Alliance gathered forces last night to attack Anabolican Steroid Empire (HUN's) keep, and failed. SCUM has tried the same with weekly attacks to HUN's or Argonauts keep, and failed. Infact, no-one has taken an Empire Battle-Keep by force in months! In addition, Empire has managed to win several sieges against others, for example SA lost a siege against them few weeks back even though they had large amount of help from Alliance.

In this aspect Empire is ruling over the end-game pvp-charts, with no equal match in sight. It must feel good to have rest of the server sucking your balls, aah, it feels so goood so goooood please lick a bit down down aaah down yes. Suck my balls. Chocklate Salted Balls, lick them, my balls!

LICK MY ASS, FOR MY NAME IS EMPIRE!

I forsee that in the very near future, if empires "overpower" stays on this level, no-one bothers to attack or defend against you. Just like a minigame, were you see that "oh shit, it's a goddamn premade, im leaving --->" phenomenon.

EMPIRE

Congratulations Empire; Aquilonian Siege Champions!

Lektor is Leaving


Good day, this is the Informer.

Lektor, servers beloved village idiot who has gives face to every internet retard having trouble with written English, has announced his departure with Age of Conan.
Lektor left after being back for a month. Making up your mind can be pretty hard at times. Somehow I have a feeling that Lektor will be back in some form, possibly as an tier-3 raid-boss.

Informer will miss your forum trolling, you were one of the best. I also miss your petite butt, for it was truly astonishingly tight one to stuff my "swoard" into.

SOURCE

Friday, May 29, 2009

Aquilonia Beware! RP'ers are about...


Good day, this is the Informer.

Roleplayers are forming their own police corps to patrol various areas of Hyboria. Apparently they have had it with our ganking ways, and are trying to put the RP back to (RP-)PVP. Rest of the server goes lolling by when a knight from Kaizens mighty army jumps a "ganker", then stops to type. 
While typing his RP /say "Greetings you lowlife scumbag, I am from the Hyborian Police Department, put your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care", the target barbarian/ranger has either ran off or nuked him to death.

99% of Aquilonian Gankers acclaim to be role-playing a deranged serialkillers. I think it would be a good idea to put up a "Aquilonian Nightmares Department" for them. From TV we've all seen that serial killers like Dexter have pretty nasty nightmares from time to time. And these nightmares are so real they affect serial killers life in very material and real ways. 
So to address the gank-problem, I suggest to form nightmare groups instead of police.

When a nightmare squad member sees someone asking for help on /global, "goddamn Netko is ganking low-levels in Noble", the Nightmare Squad would start to take actions. At first, everyone in the squad sends rp-styled /tells to target; "Im in your dream eating your panties" "Im in your dreams showing you Robzors panties" "Im in your dreams cutting your niples with a tincan".
After sending these tells, the nightmare squad tracks down their target, and ganks him until he logs off, spamming say with with "nightmare" messages; "This is just a dream", "Im in your dreams fataliting your head off", "Im your nightmare, we have no ketchup", "I scream, You scream, Ice-cream!"
So, we would have our ganker-serialkillers and they'd have their serialkiller rp-nightmares, provided by the community.

Informer over and out.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Aquilonia Haxxx

Good day, this is the Informer.

In the passing two weeks or so I have witnessed a great deal of blatant cheating on our server. Im not this time talking about nekkid-rp or other lame fightclubbing, I'm referring to the usage of thirdparty programs such as AoC-godmode, speedhack and radarhack.

AoC godmode is a utility that lets you use a multitude of cheats to "better" your gaming experience, sort of an utility with many functions in one. Radar cheat lets you see every mobile game target on your minimap. Speedhack is self explanatory; you increase your speed and/or can "bunnyhop" between locations so that it is impossible to hit you and you can circle your enemies to death. The trick with these programs? They are nearly impossible to check from the serverside. These aplications are invisible to servers.
To get caught you need to have a gm observing a player. FunCom doesn't even take videos as proof (because they can be edited). With the current response times from GM's it's nearly impossible to get caught.

I'm pretty baffled about this; hackers were around like good six months ago, but then they seemed to disappear. Now it seems we have them back, and to my observations I've seen many familiar fucktards using them; mainly few players from Celestial, HUN's and Acolytes of the Shadows. Unluckily I did not have my fraps available, so no evidence was recorded (cant really screenshot this), but now it's all good to go and im just waiting more encounters!

Also a friend gave me a /tell about some Royal Elite Killers and BLOOD members "hopping around the world", so this seems like a "server wide" problem again, as it was before.

If you manage to take videos, Aquilonian Informers comment sections is always a good place to post them; if they are good they might even make the headlines!

Dodox, the tale of a fine warrior.

Good day, this is the Informer.

Today, Dodox appeared. A pvp-lvl 5 HoX from the Anabolian Hun Steroid-Empire. 3000 or so deaths, 10000 kills. 
No-one has ever heard from you, no one has ever seen you pvp. Congratulations for very successful nekkid RP!

Or, apparently it's also possible that you have farmed BotGC members like Asmodaan, Johan and Curena as they seem to be loosing pants-down. Nice one Band, you have a HUN against you that has sat above a tent for his levels, and then "rp'd" his pvp-exp... and you manage to loose. Another top claim of Epic Fails for Band!

Informer is signing out for tonight.

Return of the Swedes!

Good day, this is the Informer.


Sweeeeeeeds are back. SWE-DIIES ARE BACK! Oh good god the SWEDES! They are BACK!! Like phoenix bird Nova Krepusko seems to be on the rise again after loosing half of their players to SCUM (the un-official swedish guild) and the other half to Giraffe Death Pits.

Aquilonian server was swedish free for a long time, only with the most necrotic Nova Krepusko members roaming around stealing Alliance progress raids and battlekeeps. But now, for some weird reason they have massed up great numbers and are beginning to own Tortage Undehalls with weekly raids.

Has AoC been on sale in sweden? What happened? Obviously you didn't take note of my advice on Giraffe death-pits in madagascar 2 that seriously enough, though you should have.
It's a shame really, they are nice those death-pits.

In any case, it's nice to see them blond titties jumping up and down and up and down and up and down again and again. Really missed them boobies. 


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Robzor sucked balls; "This is the End" says Motherkali


Good day, this is the Informer.

Robzor and Motherkali have broken up.

Robzor and Erdi were seen today sucking balls in Kheshatta. Peculiarly this time it wasn't eachothers balls that got sucked; it was the Kheshatta Guards. Motherkali was roaming the roadside and heard about it from ever so lovely Gheos, who happened to lurk in hide next to them.

"It's finished now, I dont ever want to see his red shorts anymore!" and "You and your damn Guards, I should have known... I should have guessed!" are some quotations that by-standers witnessed, as they saw the Great Mistress of the Night run over the hills, and far away.

Informer has no idea where Mother-fakafaka-kali ran of to. Erdi logged off straight away, stunned Robzor was repeatedly ganked by SCUM. And after they disappeared the Alliance came and gang-banged him more.
Robzor now has anus that can fit a refrigerator, or Jedmaus ego.

SOURCE

Dracones Nigri has left the building!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Draconis Nigri has left the Alliance in the aftermath of last weekends confusions. Alliance seems to be a tad silenced about it; by the looks of it no-one actually gives a shit.

The situation seemed peaceful today between Nigris and Band, and some other Alliance guilds like SA. So, though "divorcing themselves" from the alliance they seem to have managed to do so without any outbursts of violence. It's a damn shame.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

FC: "We have had it, make your own goddamn raid-content!"

Good day, this is the Informer.

Captain of the Royal Elite Nazi-fly's, Commandant of Self-Prominent Global Shine, Owner of Evil Aura, Ruler of jadadada jada daa daa bla bla bla blaa bla blaa, Game Master Superman Silirrion has made an announcement!

Silmarillion-man has invited us all, with our guilds, to join testing of the 1.05 patch raid instances and raid encounters. Sil obviously hasn't been playing a minute on testlive himself, or else he'd already know few gruesome facts; 1) raids are very, very hard on tl 2) they are infact near impossible. 
Now please do remember, that these are not new instances, they are the old t1 and t2. So no new raid content, rather FC's view of "new content" that is making old content extra hard.

Now Sil-the-Man-Rillion wants us all to participate in testing the impossible. He wants YOU to tell YOUR guildmaster, to sign YOUR WHOLE GUILD to test-live and DIE MANY, MANY TIMES. 
Totally pointless, the raids are broken, eat your cookies and go home. It's already known, FC can "dublicate it" by going there with some characters and die.

What they should and need to do is to fix the goddamn raids, as has been suggested on TL forums dozens of times. Make mobs hit less and have less HP, scale them to the same difficulty level as it is now on live. If FC wants to give us tougher challenges, make new content like Toth-Amons Tower and House of Crom. That's the solution, pure and simple.

This also means, that the patch 1.05 will be postponed even further. I doubt that FC feels suicidal enough to publish this sort of content, as more then 50% of active players are indeed veterans who mostly do raids.

Here's some testimonials of the current situation on testlive. Decide yourself, if you are willing to be part of Sil's little "suicide squad". I for sure would need a payment to do something that stupid, for free its out of question.

Logic behind Sil's request? I fear it must be something sinister. Possibly he is bored with tons of whining players, and this is his revenge!

one
two

Some quotes for the lazy people who dont want to follow links:
(talking about BRC t2 raids)

"Several wipes and 5 min fights against the mobgrps. Most casters went out of mana during the fights.
Excorant was really funy. We didn´t manage to kill a single gargoyle."

"- Black Ring Guards have absolutely crazy amounts of HP. Could they have been accidently buffed when normal guards were?
- BRC Wing 1/2 deaths send you to Kesh City instead of BRC Lobby (works with Wing 3)
- Gargoyle Master's room is black to varying levels depending on shaders (higher shader level = less black walls)
- Black Ring Gargoyles have absurd HP like the guards. Unless you have a lot of tanks it's basically impossible to beat the Gargoyle Master: By the time all the Gargoyle waves have spawned odds are you'll have taken down at most one gargoyle."

SCUM and BLOOD, match made in heaven?


Good day, this is the Informer.

SCUM seems to have abandoned their "one remaingin rule" from the "proud old days" and started to form naps and alliances! In evidence of this are the happenings of the past week or so in Kheshatta, the lovely war-resort of heat, blood and torn limbs!

For several days a good amount of SCUM members have been seen grouping, helping and power-leveling members from the BLOOD-guild in and out of Kheshatta. It's been especially reported that Gheos has taken a liking to a certain BLOOD barbarian and ranger, having loving petting sessions near Oasis Guards.

Especially lovely is the tactic of bringing one or two lvl 70-72 BLOOD members in a SCUM group to track down enemies and to give enemies murder points. Well done SCUM! You are taking exploiting and harrasing to yet another level level, where only Empire and you have gone so far.

SCUM has a history of being detested by majority of the Aquilonian community, and BLOOD has gathered some fame by ganking leveling instances such as Eiglophian Mountains and Aztels Aproach. God knows where and how these two have met, my guess is somewhere in the Hyborian deserts fighting over some abandoned carcasses.
If anyone has more information regarding the steps how SCUM and BLOOD got to be so close with eachother, please feel free to inform the Informer!

So now it seems these two "bastards of Aquilonia" have infact befriendid and allied; so much for "read is dead" SCUM? We can now safely tick that off from the "old-school" SCUM-rules, that was the last of them. You are now nothing but a pure gank-guild, no more, no less.

This seems to prove the point I made few weeks back; There will be only 3-4 massive alliances Zerging each other in few months, just wait and see. SCUM is no different, they cant hold ground on their own, so they ally with the "gankers" who are detested by rest of the server. They are the only ones they have been left to ally with, and this will be the third alliance.

Informer over and out.

Kings Seals


Good day, this is the Informer.

FunCom has released a new competition to compensate the lack of in-game content. For the obvious reasons, you wont even need to log in to game, you can just browse a few web-pages (with lots of adds to help FC funding) looking for some special "seals" and get mad prizes like lifetime accounts to AoC when you find enough.

Competition here.


First reports of players who have found all seals have been already reported, so it might be already too late to participate.

Informer would like to congratulate FunCom for the worst mmo-birthday celebrations ever. An ingame event where nothing happened except players ganking each other, and then "super-duper" event which doesn't even require you to log into the game.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Just in! ETA on patch 1.05

Good day, this is the Informer.

"It will be released when it's ready" translates to "we are not ready, we are badly behind schedule, please keep paying. We have no idea when it will be ready."

Informer over and out.

Demo Madness!

Good day, this is the Informer.

What's wrong with people playing demonologist class? Seriously, what the hell is wrong with the lot? Who was the goddamn stupid asshole who gave permission to breed this level of idiocy to mankind? WHY?

Some of you might remember how demos were "nerfed into oblivion" on TestLive with longer five minute cool down on Planar Shift. Destroyed the class, completely. What the hell; we still have a ton of health, massive amount of CC (i.e. instacast 17s root 20sec CD), the best dps with a massive margin (twice then the "next best" class on raids). Useless, we lost our immunity.. oh no didn't loose it, but its worth nothing when you cant use it EVERY MINUTE!!

Anyway, we were utterly made unplayable, and we all quit at that time. Everyone quit, yes precious, everyone quitta quitted yes yes yeees precious yeeeeess prrreesioouuusssshhhshshs!!

Now, FunCom has done it again. Blasphemy, oh the tragedy! THEY HAVE NERFED MIA STORM CHAINS!!! Only 10 second root, TOO LONG 20 SEC COOLDOWN!! AND ULTRA LONG 1.5SEC CASTINGTIME!! NOEEEHHHSS!!!

I QUIT NOW DEMO DESTOYERD"!!""!11


Izzit War or Izzit Peace?


Good day, this is the Informer.

Never ending epic failure known as Band of the Gray Clover and the ever alert Dracones Nigri came close to an all out war this weekend, which would have devided the Alliance and possibly brought up some much needed life on our beloved server. Goddamn carebears, why did you stop it?!

Apparently someone killed someone who then killed someone. Then someone remembered that BotGC are retarted hillbilly Nazi Fucks, and Dracones Nigri comes from the africanese tribal languages meaning; "I Want To Eat Your Giant Black DingelyDong, Please." So they started flaming each other besides the usual killings; event escalated fast and was in a brink of a complete disaster.

Things calmed down when the drunken players passed out, and with very hangover heavy negotiations the situation has gotten back to normal; mostly in the dissapointment of both guilds members who would have enjoyed having wars and fightings instead of the ever so jolly Alliance campfires and kumbaya-songs.

Aquilonia continues to slumber in the three-way Zerg gang-bang.

Informer Addiction; Death and Riots!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Informer has been informed that there is a new addictive drug circling amongst Aquilonian players; The Informer. Several people have been addicted to it in the past few weeks, leading into dangerous situations when they haven't been able to get their daily doze. The situation got especially bad and caught the public eye this weekend, when the Informer started slacking and got too drunk to write.

Masses of Informer Addicts filled the streets of Hyboria, and even caused a short server maintenance when FunCom employees thought their servers were lagging. No, they werent, the players were lagging in desperate agony to feel the warmth of Informers reassuring news-tabloid. But the Informer was no-where to be seen.
The first riots broke out late in the Sunday evening, lasting till monday morning when most of the rioters started to have seizures.

The Informer Addiction follows the normal route of most drugs which is also called the gate theory.
At the first stage most victims have tried out Informer as recommended by their mates; the peer presure overcomes the health instructions and education and they take a sneek-peak to read a few articles.
In phase two baffled individuals start to come back to Informer by their own, and maybe even post a carefull comment or two. Smoothing sensation of the Informer Blog starts to addict the brain and nervous system, releasing dopamine and serotonine.
In phase tree addicted AoC player has to get his Informer fix multiple times per day, comment multiple times per blog posting and ultimately spam anonymous hate-tells or try to get Tahitoa to show her tits.

As for now, most Informer addicts have died a terrible death, so I, the Informer, am once again confident to continue Informing.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Aquilonia is very, very, very tired.

Good day, this is the Informer.

Aquilonia is one goddamn tired and boring place on daytimes. Someone, do something. The FunCom anniversiry event has proven to be just a mass gathering with people shooting fireworks and waiting for someone to start ganking.
I wished there would have been *something* to do there, or to atleast watch an special event or something, but this is just plain and stupid in every aspect. Nothing to do then sit around.

Hopefully one of the Zergs starts a massive battle, so we can all actually fight and have fun. This would be the time to do it, to have a three way zerg in Noble.. now that sounds fun, atleast it's different then the usual Kheshatta madnes!

Otherwise it's the usual.

On an ending note, I have heard rumours that Informer is biased to SCUM/Alliance/Empire. Please, try to understand: SCUM is a bunch of exploiting whores, Empire a swarm of exploiting cowards, Alliance full of useless hypocritical shitheads and the rest of the server doesn't even deserve to be mentioned.

In any case, Informer over and out.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Dont Call Me SCUM; Call Me Bugged.

Good day, this is the Informer.

Band of the Gandalf Grey-dude has won their siege against Anatolian Bum Empire. The blood thirsty gang of kebab-rollers were defeated in a siege that was more then buggy, more than satanicly evil and ugly as Jedmaus rear end.

Informer has interviewed participants from the both sides, and this is the combined story from both sides. Both participants seemed battleworn and tired, yet perversly satisfied.
The siege started fine with BotGC and Huns skirmishing, untill a large force of SCUM appeared and started to whack both sides, so it was the usual three-way zerg of kheshatta in Aquilonian Border Kingdom.

Due to SCUM's involvement the server decided to fuck up everything, as usual. The issue is well known by FC and players alike; if there is more than 48+48 players in the instance when siege starts it will bugg out in multiple ways. Most known of these are "random kicks from instance" and "the ress bug" where random amount of players loose siege-respoint and have to ress to Ceanna village.
This time SCUM managed to bug the siege in a particularly even way; both raids had to ress to Ceanna! What luck.

The siege went pretty straight forward from there onwards. Both teams wacked eachother and after a close and tied skirmish BotGC-Alliance won.

It is still unclear why fucom hasn't fixed the goddamn sieges, or why SCUM was deliverably trying to bug the siege. Propably it's all part of the SCUM harrasment-strategy; do everything you can to bug out your enemies fun in game, and make them rage-quit.

It is also unclear, if BotGC has achieved their set goals of failings in the siege, as it is pretty much impossible to know what they were trying to achieve in the subject area of failing, it is really really complex matter and way beyond most mortal minds.
Oxford University is investigating on the matter, and the UN has appointed a committee to investigate BotGC plans and goals of failing, and whether they have achieved their goals or not and how does this affect the global community.

BotGC source: Erdi allied with Guards, war declared!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Informers Bootilicious Deepthroat inside Band of the Gray Brain Spasms informed me of an interesting development made late last night; after some spank-tastic moments Erdi formed an alliance with Kheshatta Guards, promising his wife and children as a payment for protection against rampaging horde of BotGC and the Alliance. This treaty was witnessed by a hiding group of Band members, and a group of Tasyfa who reacted by killing Erdi promptly after pulling the guards away for a negotiation of their own, where they applied rules of hammer and spanking.

Only few minutes after this Erdi showed up on the stairs leading to Kheshatta City with his new guardian friends and spanked a great party of Band members to oblivion while singing Frank Sinatras "New York". This lead to terrible nightmares amongst Band members; Curena, Jypae, Asmodaan and some other are on a sick-leave for the rest of the week.

Vigorious Vainamoinen, Officer of the Band, then announced on /Global that Band of the Gray Fallicsymbols are now in a war with the Kheshatta Guards and demanded on apology and an ass-kissing to take place for compensation of this grave insult.

This is all getting very confusing. This is all, Informer over and out.

1.05 patch shaping up; progression still SLOW

Good day, this is the Informer.

1.05 patch that everyone either fears or hopes for to come, has progresses little by little in the past two weeks. Informer estimates after some interviews with Didek, Haven and Ialalalaala-yadayadayada that it will take atleast a month, possibly two to get finshed.

Besides revamping the basic game mechanics FC is doing other pretty grand changes; Guild Cities are becoming hubs where you can travel to any other region or hub in game, buy social pets or follow city-life. Yes, guild cities will become active and alive places to be. 

Tarantia Commons is looking more and more beautiful by the patch, and I really enjoyed playing through it the third time. Needles to say, that a place you can play through three times has some great potential and replay value! Besides massive additions a lot of minor details that players have complained have been fixed or altered; would you like to buy your potions in a crate instead of one-by-one? Sure, can do!

One of the most entertaining parts FC has done a great deal to change and fine-tune is pvp-mechanics. To put it simply: On testlive you have more health, more armor and less dps. That leads to fights lasting longer, and actually having a technical and tactical element. It is little shimmed by the fact that there are some blatantly over-powered classes like Demo (didn't manage to die once with my demo) and hybrid barbarians (wanna one-shot medium armor?). But barbarians are getting their fix according to Didek and Haven, and I'm actually starting to feel confident that demos will be nerfed too.
Tarantia Commons is a great new pvp-zone, but the changes to guards, respads and spawning have made Kheshatta funnier then ever too. Guards will no longer protect you if you run to them in the middle of a fight. If you are idling near a guard, and someone shoots you trying to pull the guards away so that their gang-bang-tastic friends could bang-their-ways-through you... well, the guard one-shots the puller with range-attack. If you manage to get yourself killed while doing pvp you can freely choose your resurrection pad within the area; killed at oasis, spawn to city.
I'm really waiting how empire will react to these news. How about them apples, Jedmau?

Itemization is moving on nicely, and gear has started to matter as the basic idea behind the whole change was. It's still work under very heavy construction, but the latest patch brought in some interesting changes and all I can say now; get that epic gear before its too late!

Raiding is still shit.

On the menu; Mostly Dirt.


Good day, this is the Informer.

This week I've been mostly eating dirt. In Kheshatta I spawned with empire around me, dead before screen finished loading.
In Aztels I spawned with BLOOD around me, dead before screen finished loading.
In EU-Forums I wrote a comment, and was banned before my screen finished loading.

This all has made Informer one sad camper.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

SCUM Siege has been found!

Good day, this is the Informer.

SCUM high officer, Kazim the crumble, announced last night on /Global that SCUM siege army was found after many days of searching.

On a closer look and a bit of digging to the matter, I've found out that the scum were found by a random group of trans-sexual whores who were having their annual picknick in the area. These whores, more commonly known as the guild Exalted, first tried to nurish the long lost bunch by breastfeeding them. After that was concluded to have very poor results, Woody Wood ordered a fast bukkake party arranged, to feed the SCUM some CUM for fast proteins and essential vitamins!
This was very succesfull at first but they really lacked the numbers needed to deliver enough CUM on SCUM faces, so they asked their friends to come by. 
After alliance and empire had cum on hungry SCUM faces they started to recover fast and were soon on their way home. 

The atmosphere on Aquilonia felt immeadiately a lot lighter, after bringing fate brought this terrifying episode to a happy end.

Informer signing off, with empty balls and a light heart.

Fort Kebab launching an attack on BotgC

Good day, this is the Informer.

Jolly bunch of extremely special happy-people, The mighty Anatolian Hun Empire, are launching an siege attack against Band of the Failing Lovers this friday evening. Burnheim is on course with a deadly date, but Band seems confident that they are ready for a completely new failing challenge! An interview with Notorious Notark unveiled their goal. 

Band has already failed their sige defences multiple times, and they have also failed at failing a sige defence by accidently being victorious. Now they are taking the bull by the horns and going for the great mastery of multiple failing; failing to fail at siege defence failing w/o failing the actual fail of failing the original fail.

Band has a great reputation to protect at the mastery of failing, which they have achieved with such legendary fails as; loosing a siege to an army of one man hitting the keep while 48 band members were looking, and failing to loose a siege attack against six people. Other notable fails include handing pve raids to dead guilds, and being rather silly at kheshatta pvp by loosing to the kheshatta fox (hide gank failed).

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

SCUM lost!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Last Sunday the Informer reported a devastating news of SCUM's siege-group loosing their map and getting lost at lacheis plains. Robzor has been orchestrating the rescue efforts, but none has been found so far and the hopes of finding the unfortunate siege-party are getting dimmer. The propability to find them alive starts to drop today rapidly, unles they have found ways to gather food, make fire and find edible plants or carcasses. Luckily they have had long training in eating bear-shit for pvp-xp, so they are accustomed to consuming rather extreme materia for a living.

Last night we saw another surprising turn in this as SCUM guild-leader had declared war and reserved a siege-time with the HUN's, again. This has been generally interpreted as a miscommunications inside SCUM as a guild, and generally thought that guild-leader was uninformed that the SCUM siege-army was still lost at the swamps.
This led again to a situation, where we had Fort-Kebab filled with anxious exploiters ready to unleash their tos-oneshotters but all they reseaved was a cold turkey and a smack on their cheeks; "SCUM's not dead, they are lost". They failed to arrive, again.

Robzor took this very badly, as he is almost mindless for fearing the lost of his love, Motherkali, to the swamp-monsters. Robzors calls for better communications inside SCUM's guild-infrastructure, and larger support and aid for finding the lost scum siege army.
Guilds of Aquilonia are slowly reacting to his pleeds of help, and are sending emergency troops and field-hospital equipment to Lacheis Plains. There is talks about Alliance launching peace-keeper corps to the rescue, but it is all tangled up with the usual politics of "who ganked me first".

SOURCE

Dueling Uncovered; Is It Fun to Fight?


Good day, this is the Informer.

I have wanted to tackle the topic of dueling for a while now. Where it's coming and where I think we will be going to with it.

It's shit now. It will be shit tomorrow. Next week we will stop having them, hopefully.

You log in. Travel to get some lean mean, ultra fast pvp-xp and SHIT! your guild-mates are not online? What now? Oh I know, I can go dueling! Sure, slower then nice nekkid rp with friends and benefits, but fun still.
Take a couple of travelers from your guild city to khes, and go to duel arena. 1st you notice that everyone in duel arena is a. demo b. bear-shaman c. conqueror. You start challenging them, baddass fights, loose more but manage to win some.

Then incomes an enemy zerg that kills you about 9877474 times, and after fifteen minutes of hate /tells, you get to go back to arena. Start a fight again and then Gwlcchcchyclclcn or Gheos or some other SCUM-ranger-fag decides to steal some exp by killing your dueling partner and you. 

Dueling is shit. Shit in it's purest form. Shit that we have to do, if we want to get to that next pvp-level in reasonable time, because after some cockup it is actually the fastest way to gain legit pvp-xp!

Informers opinion has always been rather against the whole idea of dueling being the best way to earn pvp-xp. It's a shitty idea, this is an mmo-game. You should get benefits with group, not solo-play so I welcome the news of giving pvp for minigames, not just kills. 

This has been an Informer opinion article. Remember, opinions are like ass-holes; everyone has one.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Birthday Present

Good day, this is the Informer.

Everyone got a rocket! Type /claim to get it, but beware, it has 8h cooldown! Why such a cooldown? dont really know.. seems a tad too long, but hey what-the-hell I have a blue rocket woo-hoo!

Tahitoa is feelin busy; Aquilonia forums filled with naming and shaming!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Forum Grand-Nazi-Granny, the one and the only Princes of all that's even remotely relevant, Doom of anything interesting, Super-Sized Ass-Hat; Mistress Tahitoa is having a terrible day.

It seems Aquilonia forums on the official AoC EU-forums has been steadily filling up with Naming and Shaming! My oh my!

First it was the pvp-progress thread that had a little heated discussion about SCUM's move to "not show up" when they had reserved a siege. Discussions of motives for this action were soon ended, when they cought Tahitoas ever watchfull eyes.
Then she stumbled upon an innocent looking "welcome back" thread by Eastwood, and my god what did she find there? Notorious Notark had posted a message of "Welcome back, if you really want to know whats going on check Informer" with URL included.
Naturally, it was hastily deleted as were multiple other messages on both threads, which bare absolytely nothing offencive information towards anyone.

My gods Aquilonia! What have we done? Didn't you all already know? DISCUSSION IS DENIED. The forums is reserved for Tahitoa, and her "cat-mood of the day" Signature. If you post something that doesnt relate to that, it's ban-hammer time.

Informer watches over the forums, alert as ever.

**UPDATE**

I rarely edit and/or come back to old news, but this is getting hilarious! Tahitoa locked "Server Legends" thread where we were remembering memorable server individuals and stories behind them. Apparently that thread was "flamebait" and "spammage", according to this quote;

" Ok I think we did name all server legend by now and to avoid further spammage let's send this thread to sleep." -Tahitoa

Also, a thread where frustrated individual tried to bring forth his concerns about a guild ganking players in Noble District was promptly locked as naming and shaming. Why? If these guys are harassing players by attacking them while they are talking to a quest-npc it's A-O-KAY to name and shame them!

Lektor is Back


Good day, this is the Informer.

Lektor has returned to eu-forums, yey. He has re-subbed, and hopefully will enjoy the game once again.
Now we can all start not-understading inglishia and start tu wreit faunnily. I LIEK MILK LEKTOR PRESIDENT!!

Lektor, overrated and underskilled as always. Hope you smelly skunk find your way back to Aquilonia, we have far too few personalities running on our lovely server these days. Atleast, I look forward of trying to decypher your terrible english, that you so cleverly fake.

SOURCE

Siege Hustling Uncovered!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Our friendly neighborhood-bear Galadh shared a *priceles* picture on general forums, quite brave of him because his post with this pic will propably be deleted as "Naming And Shaming" and Tahitoa, the Grand Executor of Everything That Is Relevant, will spank him for hours and hours in her private chambers.

Depending how Tahitoa looks like under that armor of hers, it will be either a good or a bad thing. Tell us tales of your findings, o mister bear please. Informer has this picture, but we have no idea how old it is... so, with luck, mr. bear is in for a quite pleasant spankig times.

Anyways this pic is probably as old as heaven and earth, but I hadn't seen it before. Thus, whats new for the informer is something informer must inform uninformed about; that's you!

Basically this proves the high morals of Empire, reserving each others siege-times and preventing their enemies the fair chance of an attack. Nice going Empire, you goddamn retarded asshole-ratfuckfaces! I am not going to even get started with your nekkid-rp here, but today alone I noticed two totally new empire members with pvp-lvl4 and 5, whom I have never met on dueling grounds, minigames or world (read: kheshatta)pvp. Didn't remember to take up their names though, will do so in the future.

This kind of shit is just what we do not need, so do you mind taking your exploiting guilds and fuck off our server, please!?

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Sieges Failed!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Aquilonia had two sieges this weekend; SetMosis attacked Legio VI Victrix's keep Amut'Anus (or was it 'Anun?) and SCUM attackade Anatolian Hun Empire's keep.

Both sieges failed; Legio Victrix was victorious in defending their keep and SCUM failed to show up; it seems they lost the map and none of them knew the way. Ultimately, they got lost.

Volunteers are still walking through Lacheis Plains trying to search for them. List of lost SCUM-members include such high profile characters as Kazim, Motherkali and Tsuniko, amongst others. Robzor took the news of Motherkalis disappearance quite heavily; he grew a "Ridge-forrester-is-worried"-type of beard and rushed to the woods. "Motherkali, my loooooove" the lonely shouts echo through the plains.

The information of lost SCUM's is incomplete, and we are keeping a close watch on the situation. If you are a relative to someone lost, you can ask Informer in private messages about your family members status, has he been reported as missing and/or what is his status "missing, found, unknown".

Informer over and out.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Dead Guild Walking!

Good day, this is the Informer.

The long dead swedish imperial guild Nova Krepusko has managed to raid tier-1! Great success, though my grandmother could raid tier-1 blindfolded.

This achievement is little shimmed by the fact that they once again had massive help from their allied guilds, who still seem to support this foul necromantic bunch. "Why" is beyond my area of conception. How about them giraffe death-pits NK?

Informer has been wondering for a while now why do we have really tiny guilds holding really nice battle-keeps? Sure, some of them like NK have absolutely massive allies to back them up, but then again we have Clan Koragg holding one and Legio Victrix also. The latter is of course though nut to crack with impossible times in vulnerabilities, but what the hell.

But then again, all the big guilds except SCUM has a battle-keep. Oh wait, there's also Exalted that doesn't have one.. hmm.. Others? Cant remember. 

Informer over and out.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Siege News!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Set Mosis is launching an attack to Legio Victrix keep Amut'Anun this saturday-sunday night 01 am. Victrix has the most cowardice way of keeping their vulnerability times in the late-nights, so Informer hopes that Set Mosis shall kick their asses around Lotus Swamp royaly. For the past month or se Victrix time has been 01 am on every single one of their vulnerability windows.

Such cowardice behaviour as putting vulnerability windows to times when there is maybe 8 people online on the server diserve to be humiliated and trashed! Everyone doing such thing repeatedly should be hanged by the balls in Old Tarantia on prime time. Then we should have events of marksmanship shootings and pie-related humiliations at their expense.

Informer hopes that Legio starts to act like a guild that deserves a keep, not like a bunch of cowards who just got lucky and are now doing everything in their powers to avoid fighting. Thats just pathetic! If you cannot keep your keep in a fair fight, then there is no point in having one, and you should not deserve to have one.

Informer recommends everyone to attack everyone who sets up dishonest and cowardly siege-times! Spank those bastards from Cimmeria to Aquilonia to Lotus Swamps and back again!

FunCom Q1 2009 report looking promising!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Good news! FunCom is not going bankrupt in anytime in the near future!

Q1 2009 numbers are in, and the revenues seem solid, and FC is able to function w/o the need of outside capital. Community seems loyal enough to keep playing and paying. Also the new "trial" marketing has bought in quite a few new players, so playerbase in all seems to develop in a very positive direction.

They have about 120 people in the development team of AoC, and they seem to be doing good progress with their next MMO called "The Secret World" with another 120 or so developers...
or is it just 120 developers all together working in different projects? That seems more plausible!

Notably there have also listed the "next development points" for AoC, that include patch 1.05 and a revamp of guild&social systems and even House of Crom gets a mention, so they must be getting closer to release.

SOURCE

Thursday, May 14, 2009

SCUM camping raid-entrances, discussion denied!


Good day all, this is the Informer.

Grand SuperNazi, Lord of all things foul in nature, Commander of nothing of any importance, Forum Hitler Tahitoa has put an early end to a discussion on Aquilonia-EU forums about a problem regarding SCUM and their CUM-tastic behaviour.

As noted before on the Informer, and also mentioned on the "Zerg Review", SCUM uses a tactic daily to camp outside raid-instances in all instances including epic, and are blocking entrace of players.

This tactic fullfills 100% the harrasment criteria that FC has stated, but because the systems of reporting it are useless (/petition to a GM at peak hours takes... well, hours) SCUM has a fun time of exploiting.

Lastnight some poor and brave soul decided to make a thread to EU-Aquilonia forums about it, and after six replies it was promptly locked by Tahitoa as "naming and shaming". Luckily the thread was not deleted, so go and have a look.
It's a bit sad and even more hilarious with the relationship between Tahitoa and SCUM. SCUM is taking all that they can get to exploit, harras and fuck up the game for other players, and Tahitoa is doing all she can to keep "naming and shaming" topics out no matter how spot-on and on the topic they might be!
Tahi, have you ever wondered why 9 out of 10 "naming and shaming" topics are about SCUM? Might they be doing something to get those all, or is it just a conspiracy out to get your pet-bears guild in shame?

Oh the lols, oh the cries. This shit keeps getting funnier every week!

Informer over and out!

Corona hostin an SS competition!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Corona, a loving bunch of old-school hillbillies is hosting a SS event. 

Here is a quote to explain the game;

"Age of Conan screen shots
A true fan of Age of Conan? Share your most amazing pictures taken in-game... I'm sure many of you have some good memories connected to both funny and spectacular pictures. Post them here and add your little story if any.

Interested in winning in-game prices?
Join the informal competition on the 
Corona homepage. Submit your picture there as well and the top three will get an article on our homepage and recieve in-game rewards. The competition last until Sunday 17th of May. Rules explained on the page. Check it out!"

There's been quite many participants already, so you better come up with something good to win. Ballinger posted some weird shit about frost father and a some other pve-carebear raid-encounter. Thats just useless shit. When is AoC pve fun? A: When you don't do it!

Galahd has also participated and upped the level immediately. For all you might say about our fucked up little bearman-girl-chimp, you must say he has some artistic talent. This is my favourite for the win, but the vistrix pic is also very nice. Is it Kalil from BotGC getting to know the bear poo? Looks like her, but hard to tell with face covered by Galadhs humongous ass.

The competition has had a good start, mainly because of Galadh, but it's early days still. Now drag your petite little ass from my blog to over there, and post some 1. funny 2. evil 3. beautifull screens and beat Galadh!

Informer over and out, going to arrange some SS's my self!

Review of the Zergs!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Zergs have been a major discussion topic on Aquilonia since the beginning of the server, but it seems now even more then before. It all started with Clan an Fael, C.L.A.N., SCUM and some random alliances here and there harrasing leveling areas.
Since then there's been many developments, and I wont be going into that now, but it has led to the current situation of having three major zergs.

1. Empire-Zerg
2. Alliance-Zerg
3. SCUM-Zerg

What is a zerg? Here is a little explation.

But are there differences in Zergs. Short answer is "Yes and No". Long answer is that they are formed by different people, with different playstyles, to counterattack offensive actions of others and relying into numbers instead of skills.

Empire Zerg

Empire Zerg is the oldest force of these three. It's formed by Argonauts, Celestial, Anatolian Hun Empire, Enslave and a group of minions. Empire has napped pretty much everyone but those guild belonging to other Zergs.
Empire's favourite styles of fighting emphasizes heavy use of game mechanics exploits, such as grinding your guildmates or alliance members for pvp-exp in private instances. Also, guard-hugging and excessive use of OP classes developed powerleveling in DM-camps has a great role in the "ABC-of-empire-Zerg". When it comes to tactics Empire has none, they seem to be rather idiotic in their fights. From the three zergs, Empire resembles most of the undead brainless swarm of lemmings who just run where their leader goes and whack everything with swords and spells.

Usual behaviour for Empire-Zerg is to have multiple members running around alone the core zerg in circles, thus being easy pray for rogue-style guerrilla-troops of their enemies. 99% of time they run out of respad through dueling-area, where they attack any of their enemies having duels and proceed to road when they have gathered their forces.
If they are attacked on the dueling grounds, they spam /global and cry about it for hours.

The most common place for Empire-Zerg is the Oasis in Kheshatta, as they like to have the option to run to guards as their primary backup.

Empire Zergs usually starts in afternoon, and continue untill early evening. Late afternoon they are challenged by SCUM-zerg, and in the end they are wiped by the Alliance.
Politicaly Empire is known to use scare-tactics against new and/or smaller guilds; you are either with us (atleast a nap) or against us (WAR WAR KOS KOS WE ARE GREEK GIMME PRIDE WAR WAR KOS KOS!!). That is the classic example of power-politics.

Majority rules in Empire; the bigger guilds make decissions and smaller ones follow. Basicly all power is divided between Huns, Argos and Celestial (who are still lost by the way).

SCUM Zerg

SCUM used to have a anti-zerg-policy, but they trashed that about four months ago. Since then they have been growing their memberbase and are now capable of zerging Kheshatta and other gamefields succesfully. SCUM Zerg usually moves more than other two zergs, as they seem to have somewhat smaller numbers than Empire and Alliance. Mostly they can be found on the road between City and Oasis, and near Onyx chambers blocing raid-runners entering Black Ring Citadel.

SCUM battleplan is simple, as always with zergs. They try to pull people from bigger zergs, or divide bigger zergs into smaller parties by kiting them around. This is especially developed against empire, but works to some extent with Alliance also. SCUM relies heavily on their rangers like Svartie, Gwllchchcnchcncnchchcn and Dino (former head-necromancer of NK), their lovely bearshamans and casters.

SCUM usually starts a fight with either rangers or a lone soldier charge. They wait 3-8 seconds before rest of the group rushes from hide, or if theres an overpower of enemy they just sarifice that one member. SCUM has actively started to develop an edge to other Zerg forces with farming pvp-exp, propably by exploiting like Empire as every new pvp-lvl 5 SCUM seems to have the skill level of a toaster.
SCUM members have also the tendency of crying and hating in /tells when they are beaten. Mostly they behave like adolescents, who have just noticed that they are growing something fluffy "down there".

SCUM zergs happen almost in any given time of the day, when there is enough of them online. If they loose controll of a certain point, like Oasis or City, to other Zerg they just move a bit and start hunting individuals or leveling groups by dividing themselves into smaller groups of 3-5 players.
SCUM has no means of political influence, nor do they seem to care. They are at war with everyone, though they seem to love to hate Empire.

Alliance Zerg

The new kid on the block! Alliance is formed by Sanguis Attexo, Exalted, Band of the Gray Clover, Cavalieri Del Destino, Dracones Nigri, Nova Krepusko (though being dead) and Cavalieri del Destino and some random, smaller guilds.
Alliance was formed as a counter move by many smaller guilds to survive and fight against bigger guilds and zergs that were opressing them in endgame zones of the game. Alliance hasn't yet been together long enough to make actually repetative battle manouvers, but they have some consistent tricks up their sleeves.

Alliance Zergs usually take a bit longer to form, but when it is formed its a pretty permanent thing, usually lasting whole night long. Alliance starts to form in late afternoons, and starts fighting with either or both of the two other zergs. Usually after two to three hours they have wiped the floor with Empire Zerg, and SCUM has moved to torture people who are leveling.

Until Alliance has the numbers, they usually stay out of inner oasis, where empire stays hugging guards, and make ambushes to SCUM and Empire zergers when they are alone or in smaller numbers. Alliance doesnt have central guild-structure, and they dont rely spesificly on any characters or arch-types. What is notable is, that they have remarkably low numbers of rangers, so they dont usually move anywhere from Oasis or City.

There's been very little discussion or rumours of Alliance members exploiting pvp-levels, and it is very clear that where the average pvp-lvl in other Zergs is above 3, it is under 3 in Alliance. Notably they rarely respad-gank, but boy-oh-boy they love to gang-bang you when you reach safe distance from guardians. Like other zergs they love to surprise you with a gang-bang of 6 vs. 1.
Politically they have modeled themselves to Empire. They harras smaller guilds with power-politics, accusing guilds of agressive behaviour towards them and/or being tied to Empire, demanding alliance or threating with war. Alliance has a loose centrall controll that is handled by the officers of the guilds in it.


To sum it up

Zergs are here to stay, zergs is the way. Aquilonia has come a long way from being a server with multiple sides, variety of guilds and players and playstyles. But since launch, this diversity has been diminishing, and it is the trend even now. I foresee that Aquilonia will be divided and concentrated around three or four huge guilds or alliances zerging each other 24/7.

The rest of you can fuck off!

P.S. This is my informative view of Zergs on Aquilonia, as asked by some poor soul on the comments regarding my previous news to The New Zerg.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Rogue Revamp heading to TL


Good day, this is the Informer.

I have just eaten the best cheesypoofs ever. Just wanted to get that off my chest.

On to more pressing matters, this bit of news is just in! Rogues (Sin, Barb, Rang) are getting a complete revamp in the coming weeks on testlive. Many players of these classes have pleeded FunCom to make some changes, as the current state is quite appalling. To put it short; none of the rogue classes have had their unique feeling in a long time, none. There are always far more usefull classes to groups; both DPS, CC and group-buffs and rogues havee been left as 'cannon-fodder' to fill in the holes.

Informer will be ofcourse informing everyone in need of informing about future developments in our very own informary way.

SOURCE

Love is in the air


Good day, this is the Informer.

Robzor (picture included above) was spotted today on a pretty freeky mood in Kheshatta. That picture was taken just before him and Motherkali (daughter of SCUM) went riding into distance holding hands.
They met just moments before, in the middle of a alliance-scum-empire Zerg. The battle seemed to hold still around them, sun was shining through Motherkalis hair and Robzors groin was pulsing of passion. Minutes later the loving couple rode off, where? Only gods know besides them.

Aah, springtime in Kheshatta, fresh love in the air. Congratulations Motherkali and Robzor, you are a very lovely couple!

The New Zerg


Good day, this is the Informer.

Kheshatta Zergs. What can you say. Alliance is now acting very cocky, and controlling Oasis-City-DM-ER-Oasis marathon night after night after night. In small scales there's some Empire involvement and a little bit of SCUM here and there, but it's clear now that Alliance has become the new Zerg. And thats a bad thing, very very naughty and bad baaaad badger badger thing.

I've heard that quite a few Alliance guilds are using their mass-zerg in their personal guild diplomacy's. Band of the Gray Clover is accusing Legio Victrix of being empires pet's and trying to force them to the Alliance, or to have war. Nova Krepusko is using similar tactics with some little-league guilds (not dead yet though like them, those nasty NK necrorophils who just wont stay in their death-pits! Did you guys check Madagascar 2 already? What about those Giraffe death-pits?), while some guilds seem to only care about raiding and sieging (exalted and SA).
Power-politics by the book, the New Zerg has learned well from their HUN and Egonaut predecessors and done their homework.

Informer wants to congratulate Alliance with the nomination of "Absolute shitheads of the year, you hypocritical sons of whores" for the most excelent succes in becoming something you claimed to fight against to "make a better server for us all" or some shit like that. Good God you guys are retarded!

Informer over and out, enjoy your Zergs!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Amorey is on a mission, what now?


Good day, this is the Informer.

Gutless, spineless professional understander, the winner of the "Bestest Knight In Shiny Armor" award by the Informer, the one and only Amorey has been active on the forums again.
There has been a lot of talk in the RP servers about FunComs policy to uphold the RP-ruleset, especialy regarding character names. Even I who spend only half of my days on AoC-Aquilonia, have come cross with more and more of rp-violating names; IeatShit, Bluesman, DeathKnight69, Holywilliam, Xbear, Berlusconi, Hitler and Tsuniko.

The issue has been talked about a lot in Aquilonia forums, and on this thread on the general discussions side on the general European forums. And that's where Amorey, the regular General forum-spammer lives, and now has taken a stand to defend the honor of his eternal love, FunCom. Let me quote:

"Naming policy is a difficult one...and I know I may sound a bit controversial here but as long as people do not use *hate* names, or brand/copyrighted names, names that belong to Funcom employee or that could be related to them then and names that clearly belong to characters from Howard's books we should try to be a bit more understanding....just put yourself in the shoes of a GM that has to change a guy's name for a minute.

I don't know guys....I do understand it can be a bit upsetting seeing Barbiedoll running around on a RP server...then again I just take the names tags off and my immersion works well...I do like rules and guidelines but maybe a bit of live and let live also works...don't you think?"

Amorey, Bestest Knight on Shiny Metal Armour. Do I need to remind you why he was awarded? He went on a crusade against peeing emotes and succeeded. But this... Amorey, why? Why have you taken your bestest shiny armor to defend ... who? People who willingly brake roleplaying rule set with shitty names, and funcom for lacking to uphold their own public rule set against it?

I fail to see any logic, except the very weird logic of Amorey's compulsive behavior to run in defense for FunCom if they are accused of doing or not doing something they should be doing or should not.

Amorey is now awarded the title of "Lost, now where the fuck am I?" for pretty much exceeding all expectations of idiocy, for clearly not knowing shit about what the hell is talking about and for making Darwin do *facepalm* in his grave.

SOURCE

New roleplaying video-series showing up

Good day, this is the Informer.

I've just stumbled upon on the most entertaining roleplaying video from the world of age of Conan. Found it on EU-forums, so both videolink and forum-link are posted as reference. I highly recommend watching these; but first get some beer and cheesy-poofs!

And here you go:


New pvp-exploit on the Horizon!


Good day, this is the informer.

Didek the Developer has confirmed that pvp-exp is coming to minigames, and it comes in as follows: the winning team gains 250exp for all members, the loosing team 100xp and in case of a tie, 150xp for everyone.

And now, let me use my crystall ball. *starts chanting* *in the year two-thousaaaand*

I foresee two teams, from the same guild, playing against eachother day after day after day. Just by carrying the flags it takes about a minute to win a minigame. In 30 minutes they can effectively win about 10-15 minigames, and that comes down to 2500 or more exp. 

Very nice addition to the usual nekkid-rp that we see everywhere, very nice indeed. Now we can all achieve pvp-lvl 5 to our alts in no-time at all! Thank you FunCom, this is Exploi-Tastic!!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

SA lost to HUN's, keep remains!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Sanguis Attexo took a beating serverd by the ever so lovely Anatolian Hun Empire. Gardak was not lost though, as Huns already had a keep, but it was leveled to the ground building by building.
Both sides had help from their allies, on the SA side numerous alliance members were seen including Clovers and Exalted. Even the long-dead Nova Krepusko had used some necromantic spells to bring life Linsdman and few others.
HUN's boasted a variety of empire-allies, it was interesting to see two raids full of pvp-lvl 4 and 5's who no-one has ever seen pvp'ing anywhere. I have a strong feeling of *cough* exploiting *cough*, every legit player I know in lvl 4 or 5 has show to me that it takes massive amount of dedication and hard work to achieve. Months of dueling, zerging and minigaming. Months.

Nice to see empire members leveling in two weeks.

Informer over and out.

City for Sale!

Good day, this is the Informer.

The good and the bad are back in city-selling busines! It's been a while since we saw the last "city on sale" advertisement, but hey now we have another one!

So, if you are planning to form a new guild then this is a good chance to grab, if you have the cash. Kaizen has been with Order of Steel for atleast two weeks, so I bet he is feeling anxious to start a new guild soon, so this would be a good thing for him to consider.
On average Kaizen's guild live for three to four weeks. If the seller is reading this there is no need to reward me for this crusial info, but send a /tell to Kaizen.

Informer over and out.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

SCUM Siege, destined to fail?

Good day, this is the Informer.

There's a bit of Siege news to talk about, I've waited a moment to gather a bit more to this post then just the usual "SCUM has failed".

SCUM has been launching relentless and weekly attack to Fort-Kebab for the past few weeks, with very poor results. The guild once so proud of their PVP-skills is beaten by a bunch of exploiting hooligans, who are mostly famous for gang-banging players 10 levels below them.
What does this tell you about the current state of the "so-called" top-pvp guild, SCUM? Well, it tells you that they are pretty much shit nowadays, and nothing more than another bunch of exploiting hill-billies; the second HUN empire. No more, No less.

It's entertaining though to see them rattling their weapons and shouting their empty threats day after day after day. Not once has SCUM beaten a fight "against the odds", not once have they succeeded to rule pvp on Aquilonian server. Not once have they defeated a siege without help from the bug-god's, and not once have they defended succesfully a Battle-Keep w/o the help of the bug-gods.
All they know, is to zerg with numbers and exploit the shit out of everything that passes on their way.

Anyways, here's a post feom Xeqtor (SCUM officers, high priest of eating bear-shit), where they are saying that they will defeat every single one of Aquilonias BK's. Guess what? They have managed to win once, and at that time the siege bugged. And guess what? After the sieges have come more stable, it's been all downhill for SCUM.

But perhaps they are managing to do something right; they have now obviously raised the slumbering giant to more active warring! Huns are attacking, and they are attacking Sanguis Attexo's keep Gardak this sunday!

I'm still expecting a lot more siege-activities on Aquilonia, come on guild leaders! Have you all truly napped everyone allready? It's getting really really boring to watch the good old "SCUM against wall of HUN's, FAIL!" match over and over and over again. Please, attack! All of you!

Informer hopes that everyone goes KILL KILL KILL!

SOURCE

Testlive PVP shuts down for the weekend

Good day, this is the Informer.

There was a small patch on test-live yesterday, and Funcom announced that they are shutting down pvp-servers as they need people to test pve-aspects of the game more.

Very nice of them to notice, that they have made pve a "little" harder, and now they want to know if that has affected the "fun factor" for playing AoC. As raid-pve is about the only endgame content besides pvp, what do you guess FunCom. Really?

HOW GODDAMN STUPID MUST YOU BE TO EVEN ASK THAT YOU FAT FUCKS!!

You shouldn't need players to test how goddamn shitty your pve is now in 1.05, you can just look at the numbers. LOOK AT THE GODDAMN NUMBERS YOU HAVE GIVEN HEALTH AND DAMAGE TO MOBS!! It's simple maths, EVEN A MONKEY CAN SEE IT! What is there to test, when I go into BRC and get *one* shotted with a fucking tank with goddamn full t2 gear by a Guard-mob?
 I CAN SEND YOU THE PARSER ALLRIGHT! Atleast it's easy to read, one row so even FC-devs can understand: Guard hits you for 9283938446 of health, you die you stupid fuckface.

You need player testing for bug-hunting or to test how servers handle big scale of players.. even to test how different group-setups work, find errors in quest's and etc.  Not this.. Not basic mechanics.


Informer recommends everyone to send hate-mails to FunCom.

Sanguis Attexo downs Leviathus

Good day, this is the Informer.

Sanguis Attexo has downed Leviathus being the third guild to clear all pve-content on Aquilonia. Before them are SCUM and Nova Krepusko (who got helped by Band of the Gray Clover).

Congratulations Sanguis, you smelly bunch of pve-care-bears!

Informer recommends you to raid wing 3 intensively, as it is by far the fastest and easiest wing of them all. With a high dps-group you can clear it in one and a half hours, but not for long. If a there isn't a miracle happening, pve will be made near to impossible in the 1.05 patch, and you can kiss your easy epix good bye.

So get them while you still can!

The New Zerg


Good day all, this is the Informer.

The New Zerg, also known as "Alliance", has been very actively buffing their presence in Kheshatta for the past few days. With Alliance I refer to the loose alliance of guilds; Sanguis Attexo, Band of the Gray Clover, Exalted, Dracones Nigri, Cavalieri del Destino.. Well, pretty much the whole server except Empire and SCUM.

There is also a old and trusty 2nd New Zerg, SCUM, that has been trying to raise some hell here and abouts. I remember how back in the day SCUM had a ruleset of not zerging and not grouping up to gang-bang solo players, but we can forget that now.

But what happens when these too zergs collide? Well, hard to tell as we haven't seen that happen yet. To me it seems, that SCUM zergs Kheshatta on daytimes with 6-12 players, moving between Oasis - City - Deathmasters Camp - East Ruins - Oasis.

Alliance-Zerg logs in late in the afternoon, and then starts to run the same route with the exact same sequence, as SCUM's. Back on forth, on an on-going rotation.
The funny thing is, that when Alliance Zerg logs in the SCUM zerg seems to log out. 

I smell something fishy here, and I don't mean my arm-pits; I just showered so it cant be that. Indeed, I smell a secret agreement, a secret pact with a commong goal. Like the secret pact with Nazi-Germany and Soviet Union to devide europe between them, and not to attack eachother. The Ribbentrop-treaty!

Informer has reason to believe that there is a "Ribbentrop treaty" in effect between SCUM and Alliance, with a secret goal of pushing common enemy, empire, off the block. They have divided the hours of the day between themselves to runaround khes, and they know what hours to log. And so they smack empire 24/7, making it a hell for them to play pvp in Kheshatta.

Very very nice, ingenious and evil plan!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

NPC-Guards being revamped, what now?

Good day, this is the Informer.

More news from TestLive. Sorry to concentrate on TL so much, but Aquilonia is pretty much a dead server with necromantic dead-guilds like Nova Krepusko lurking around, refusing to die and wither away. NK, be a champ and take a note of from the Giraffe in Madagascar 2 - Escape Africa. Dig a pit, and go die already, it might take a few days but stay in the pit and it will come, death. 
If you haven't seen the movie please do watch it now, excellent humor coupled with a plot-line thats not too hard to follow with a dead brain.

In any case, Didek the Developer, Harbinger of Cheesy-Poofs and Commandant on Satanic Slavebots, has commented that NPC-Guardians are being changed and patched in the near future on testlive-server.
Informer had a close chat with Dide about the matter, and seems they (FunCom) have been looking in spectator view how the Guards are functioning now and what should be done. 

The following things are being worked on: 
Guards will be changed to look like Robzor, to make it more easy for Robzor to blend in while guard hugging. 
Guard AI will be made to more "zerg-like" resembling and average Anatolian Hun player; they will be never alone but in groups of 10 (8 in hide), when attacked they will fight untill 50% of health, when they will start running to nearest Guard for help. If killed, they will come back with another 900 or so Guards after spamming /global how you are a noob and easy kill and sending you five to ten offensive /tell's. 
Didek also said, that FC is considering making a special Guard for Otso, who would follow him around Kheshatta and whenever he'd come out of hide this guard would start dancing and make fart emotes.

New on TL: Pimp my mini-PVP!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Grand Satan, Lord of Great Illusions, Eater of Cupcakes and Creator of YumYum, the one and only Didek the Developer has announced that pvp-experience rewards for mini-games are ready, and coming to test-live on next patch.

It's about a fucking time, you goddamn incompetent assholes! What the hell did you create mini-games for, when not giving any reason to play them!? Experience gain for a game won should have been there from the get-go point zero! And why on earth has it taken six months to do this change that has been asked since day one when pvp-experience and levels were introduced? You people... unbelievable.

There's an ongoing wish-list that has really nice ideas of making mini-games shine. They vary from tying pvp-minigames with some quests ("capture X amoun of flags", "win X amount of mini-games in map A B and C") to adding more maps and allowing mini-games between all EU-servers.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Uproar of the RP-community!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Trouble stirs under the watchful hyborian stars. There's whispers in the dark alleys, sounds of steel clanging when doors are shut too fast; people are hasting to take cover. The wrath of the Gods is upon us, the fire that burns whole worlds has been awakened. But what is this mighty bringer of doom, to whom all things living bow and who they fear so much, that their names are not spoken openly?

The RP crowd is getting angry.

The issue has started to grow as Aquilonia has been more and more active in RP department lately, so has the anti-rp people also upped their protests. They come to RP events more often, or interrupt ongoing rp'ing in city-hubs, inns and pubs. But my gods, how? Isn't pvp disabled in these areas? Yes, yes it is.
Apparently they come in to RP-activities in groups, and start making masturbation emotes coupled with farting. Aquilonia has also seen massive amount of rp-violating names lately, and I myself petitioned two just today. Hopefully; good riddence Bluesman and Iamtheshit.

So, RP's and mature players alike have had it, and are now rattling their keyboards and flooding the forums with not just one, but two threads! And they even got Taribs attention, and a reply that didnt say anything. Niceone mates, keep it up!

Informer feels a bit speechles for the whole situation actually. This is like... I have a multi orgasm for the material to mock about, but then there is something deeply sad tones into this all too. Oh the humanity, O tempora o mores. I shall resist, and keep a serious tone on this one. Yes.

SOURCE
SOURCE2

Ultimately; this is what we get when we let stupid people breed.

New RP-PVP event!

Good day, this is the Informer.

Bababayama-amama-mama is hosting a new pvp-rp event. /tell him/her for more info.

source: /Global channel

"[Global] [Babamaya]: Pvp-RP Event: The head of Nikopol and Win 5 Golds
"

Happy hunting.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Pen Is Mightier Than A Swoard

Good day, this is the Informer.

Conqueror damage in 1.05 has been halved. No really, I'm not exaggerating, it's -50% to what is was before.
Everyone at forums have been wondering about the reasoning, as many have seen Conqueror class to be balanced and very useful; generally a great class that has it's weaknesses and is usefull in both pvp and pve content.

The following link explains the situation, and why/how come they had to be nerfed.

LINK

So, it was because of Barbarians crying how conquerors out-dps them. What can you learn from this? Best place to cry about Age of Conan game play related topics is TL, as many of the QQ's of uninformed forum visitors goes through to game unedited.
There's a strong cent of fear and panic coming to my nose from the Dev-team. They fear us, they fear loosing their precious players and ultimately their precious game. So, they jump right up when someone whines, and boy-oh-boy the do the changes!

Informers hunger to be informed on the matter at hand has been fully satisfied.

SOURCE (full thread)

LOST - Celestial ?


Good day, this is the Informer.

Wild rumours are going around Hyboria for no-one has seen any Celestial members anywhere lately. Only few weeks back /global was like a Russian bar from time to time, with more Cyrillic-alphabet running on screen than contained in an average book by Dostojevski.
What has happened to you, friends? Did someone give you a faulty map, and you are now all lost somewhere in purple lotus swamp? Someone poison your Vodka, or did you say something bad about papa-Putin?

Please, if anyone knows anything about Celestial, please comment. We need to know atleast where they have been seen last, so we can form human chains to go through Hyborias vast wilderness. Don't be scared, you ugly retarted russians who refuse to communicate with the rest of the server, we'll come and rescue you!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Few SCUM things to note


Good day, this is the Informer.

I have gathered a few interesting notes concerning Forum Grand'Overlord-Nazi Tahitoa's favourite and the pets of Aquilonian server, SCUM!

First note concerns SCUM and SA, where SA seems to have lost more and more players to SCUM-lings. Golxtan has hopped to the darker side of the fence; heard that his motivation was "To get better PVP, and not to be ganked all the time". Well, you made the right choice *thumbs up*! Oh shit, or wassit, I think I already killed you seven times today and I never killed you in SA...?

Secondly I came across a very interesting communications method by SCUM. It seems that whenever you really manage to piss of one of them, lets say like killing one of them numerous times and then verbally abusing their petit little asses. 
Suddenly, you get a /tell message from every SCUM online, and boy-oh-boy thats a big list of "oh-noehs" and "cry cry"'s. Really nice work, the level of idiocy makes me want to slit my wrists; SCUM clearly shows why you shouldn't let stupid people breed. It's a very, very, very bad idea.

Thirdly, also Arigold from NK has jumped to SCUM-bandwagon, and there's now at least 9 old NK members (mostly officers) on board. Dino has been actively jumping low-lvl's in Kheshatta, and playing tags with city guards whenever facing someone who's not free pray. 
In my opinnion, every one of these guard-hugging cry-babies should be shot, it shows a very poor spirit for the game.

All in all, SCUM is looking more and more adolescent; a group of teenagers with no balls, no testicles, no pubic hair and no ambition to do nothing else then xploit pvp-levels and zerg in kheshatta. I remember certain bear from them, who was once proud of not being a part of zergs... well, I've fought you in a scum-zerg, with lower numbers for the past few days. 8-16 of you, 5-8 of us. 
So thats all of that myth.

Informer recommends SCUM to grow some balls, or do a sex change to better resemble the whiny bunch of exploiting bitches you are.

FunCom taking a new look on raiding; It's too easy, lets up them bitches!


Good day, this is the Informer.

Few brave souls on test-live servers did some raid-tests in Kyllikki's Crypt. Kyllikki is possibly the easiest t1 raid, where most of us have started raiding and it is quite doable with only 3 groups of skilled players. 
Not any more.

Player made tests on TL clearly show that this once easy-breeze is going to change a tad harder; everything in side the crypt hits you like a 50-ton truck, and has a health pool of China.
Some figures: AOE-tick from spellguard 3000-5000pts per tick and priests oneshot everything below heavy armor.

Why is this happening? Short answer; average-dps of a raid has been lowered to approximately half of what it is now on live (complete raid, not picking any classes here.. some have better damage, almost like on live, but overall damage has been nerfed). Also many group-buffs, like qonq ress, have taken hits. Healing is not scaled to fit new, bigger healthpools; instead it got nerfed a bit. Stamina, Health and mana doesn't regen as fast as on live, and combos and spells use more stamina and mana then before.
What this means on raids; because damage is lower, it takes about 50% longer to kill a mob. Before you can actually kill a mob, you ran out of stamina/mana (not to mention boss fights). Raid mobs have had their damage increased, and like usual FC went overboard and.. well, they really really really hurt. This sums up to having very, very, goddamn hilariously fucking entertaining and impossible raid-instances!

Please note, that these modifications leading to fore-mentioned changes in raids, are effecting all raiding and group instances.

Informer recommends everyone to grind their asses off before 1.05 patch to ensure good amount of epics. Also, informer recommends everyone to participate on TL-server, and if possible attend raids there and give direct feedback.

SOURCE (healing in 1.05 raids)
SOURCE2 (details on raid, damage etc.)

SCUM separates with Sanguis Attexo; Marries Acolytes!


Good day, this is the Informer.

SCUM heard the news of SA's deception, propably from the Informer. I'm sorry to be the bird that brings in the bad knews, but thats the duty of an independent reporter; you simply cannot avoid even the nastiest and repulsive news. People have the right to know.

Angred SCUM stormed into our main offices in Informertown, just next to Tesso, and demanded for our sources. Ofcourse, we didn't give them, and the angry, betrayed groom took off.
After meeting with us, SCUM met up with Acolytes, and it seems one thing led to another; both of them feeling dissapointed but yet drawn to eachother, they ended up spending the night together.

Well, no news there, this is Hyboria and everybody fucks their (adopted) daughters and sons. But the real *BOOM* came afterwards; SCUM offered to marry Acolytes of the Shadow and they said yes!
The wedding ceremony was organized fast, only hours after the proposal. It took place in epic kheshatta this afternoon, where many, many, many criminal and murderer flagged SCUM's and ACOLYTES xploited the pvp'xp from each other, like there wasn't going to be a tomorrow! A proper festivity for such a grand event.

Good luck to newly weds, this is the Informer signing out. If you stay happy and in love, please remember my part as the messenger in this story of true romance and betrayal by generous offerings of gold and anal virgins!

SA and HUN's are having a secret nekkid RP?!


Good day, this is the Informer.

I have been informed, that Sanguis Attexo has started to closen up with Anabolical Hunnitolian Empirotorials (HUN's). They have been closely chatting in Kheshatta, holding hands and exchanging fly kisses. It can be totally innocent, but Informer doubts it. When a HUN looks someone into eye like they look SA, it's love baby baby it's love.

We have no idea how SA is going to explain this to their latest bed-partner, SCUM, and to their newly adopted baby from a third world county; Acolytes of the Shadow. Does SCUM even know? This could lead to the early brakeup of the newly weds, Informer stays alert and watches over for further developments.